We don’t always get what we want do we?

“BLESSED IS THE MAN THAT TRUSTETH IN THE LORD, AND WHOSE HOPE THE LORD IS.” – JEREMIAH 17:7

It can be so hard, can’t it?  Waiting on God.

An hour.
A day.
A month.
A year.
A decade.

Sometimes it seems as if we wait our whole lives.

Our flesh wants what it wants right then and there is no time to wait.  It’s constantly fighting the spirit and they cannot agree. Ever. The flesh brings anxiety…the opposite of contentment in which the spirit brings.

“FOR WE WRESTLE NOT AGAINST FLESH AND BLOOD, BUT AGAINST PRINCIPALITIES, AGAINST POWERS, AGAINST THE RULERS OF THE DARKNESS OF THIS WORLD, AGAINST SPIRITUAL WICKEDNESS IN HIGH PLACES.  WHEREFORE TAKE UNTO YOU THE WHOLE ARMOUR OF GOD, THAT YE MAY BE ABLE TO WITHSTAND IN THE EVIL DAY, AND HAVING DONE ALL, TO STAND.” – EPHESIANS 6:12-13

Through the power of the Holy Spirit we overcome all of the schemes of the devil.  There is a spiritual war going on that we have to fight daily.  We say we depend on God and are waiting for His best, but inwardly we fight and struggle when things don’t go OUR way in a certain amount of time.  Our way.  When it comes down to it and our heart is exposed it’s downright ugly.  Our way.

“FOR MY THOUGHTS ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS, NEITHER ARE YOUR WAYS MY WAYS, SAITH THE LORD.  FOR AS THE HEAVENS ARE HIGHER THAN THE EARTH, SO ARE MY WAYS HIGHER THAN YOUR WAYS, AND MY THOUGHTS THAN YOUR THOUGHTS.” – ISAIAH 55:8-9

One of the scariest decisions you can make is to ask God to strip your heart down and create a brand new one after Him… because He will!  It ain’t pretty to have the worst of you exposed…ugly spilling out everywhere.

God has been exposing my own manipulative heart.    Instead of fully relying on God’s timing and purpose for my life a part of me is holding onto …something.  I say I trust God, but my actions and anxiety say otherwise.  Doubt and fear that I did something wrong or should have tried harder.  If I would have put in more effort or had a different personality or any other excuse certainly things would have worked out.

Maybe our own effort could work in some circumstances like eating healthy vs eating a box of Cheez-Its and wondering why we can’t button our pants.  But, in other situations you just have to give it up and say “ok, God.  That wasn’t for me”.

What do you do when you’ve waited (AND WAITED!) on God and are about to lose your mind?

You wait.

I am so thankful for godly people in my life.  It’s so refreshing to be around like minded people who equally are searching for God’s truth.  They understand and push your relationship with Jesus and understand seasons and the waiting.

God has allowed a few people to cross my path in such creative ways to refine me.  One of them I have only physically met once in her home state of North Carolina eight years ago.  Thanks to social media and text messaging she has become a good friend and a sister in Christ.  Every now and then I apologize for always seeming to just dump on her, but it’s not my fault she is blunt and a good and faithful servant.

I know my seasons are changing.  I’m about to lose my mind with anxiety knowing something is around the corner, yet not knowing EXACTLY where God is taking me and feel so all over the place.

She once said, “You are actually one of the most level headed people I know.  Like, I know you might feel out of control and seem crazy to yourself, but in reality you’re not.  You overthink a lot of things and may be anxious, but you always seem to make the most logical decision.”

My thought was, “If I’m one of the most level headed people you know you really need new friends.”

“IF ANY OF YOU LACK WISDOM, LET HIM ASK OF GOD, THAT GIVETH TO ALL MEN LIBERALLY, AND UPBRAIDETH NOT, AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN HIM.  BUT LET HIM ASK IN FAITH, NOTHING WAVERING.  FOR HE THAT WAVERETH IS LIKE A WAVE OF THE SEA DRIVEN WITH THE WIND AND TOSSED.  FOR LET NOT THAT MAN THINK THAT HE SHALL RECEIVE ANY THING OF THE LORD.  A DOUBLE MINDED MAN IS UNSTABLE IN ALL HIS WAYS.” – JAMES 1:5-7

I feel mentally unstable.  Flesh vs Spirit.  You know the right God thing to do, but you also have something right in front of you that is glimmering with your name on it that you can’t quite reach.

I’ve worked at my current job for 3 years this very month.  During that time my relationship with God has grown and faith strengthened.  At first this situation freaked me out:  I would pray something and a random person would stop by the desk and tell me something I never  told anyone, but only prayed about.  Over time, I came to say, “Ok God…how are You going to teach me today?”

“FOR HE SHALL GIVE HIS ANGELS CHARGE OVER THEE, TO KEEP THEE IN ALL THY WAYS.” – PSALM 91:11

While God has protected me in so many ways my whole life I’ve come to realize one of our members has to be one of them.  Three very specific times over the last three years when I felt like there was no hope and would be stressing over something a few days later this gentleman would come in and speak something answering my situation.  The second time it happened I was so excited I had to tell him how I prayed and how God used him to answer.

***Let me interrupt by describing what one of my angels looks like:

An older, slightly heavier Forrest Whitaker with a few gold teeth.
(Ok, but he really doesn’t look like Forrest Whitaker, but then he does.  That’s the only way I can guide you in the right direction.  I’m terrible at describing things. Ok, if my grandpa was African American and had gold teeth it would be him.  Is that closer?  I’m sorry, Mr. Louis.)

His speech pattern is direct with a laid back tone.  No hurry.  He walks the same way.

A few weeks ago was one of those times.  When he walked in as a half joke I said, “Mr. Louis, do you have a prophetic word for my life today?”
Not knowing any details he just smiled and said, “Hold on.  It’s coming.  Just keep the faith.”

About a week later my thoughts had gotten even darker and hopeless.  He walked in and asked me how I was.  Now, keep in mind everything I do at work is very “Hi…welcome…how are you…”

It was not a good day and for some reason I was very honest:
“Do you want my real answer or my customer service answer?”
Smiling, he said, “I want your real answer.”
“…………LONG PAUSE………..I’m not doing good, Mr. Louis.  I just don’t understand what’s going on.  I’ve waited on God.  I keep waiting and I think gonna die.  Why won’t this go away??  My patience is so thin I don’t know if I can go anymore.”

I came unglued.  My normal “How are you today?” tone had turned into panic and my voice was shaky.  I can tell his smile had turned to genuine concern and I kept thinking CONTROL YOURSELF, GIRL!!! (…and narrated in a British accent quoted from a nursing home British movie on Netflix).  The word vomit was spilling out and he realized I wasn’t kidding.

“Mr. Louis, look at what I wrote this morning!!!  I had to write these bible verses!  I’m going to lose my mind!  I HAD TO WRITE THEM DOWN!!  I mean, what am I doing wrong??  What do I need to be doing???”

“MY BRETHREN, COUNT IT ALL JOY WHEN YE FALL INTO DIVERS TEMPTATIONS, KNOWING THIS, THAT THE TRYING OF YOUR FAITH WORKETH PATIENCE.  BUT LET PATIENCE HAVE HER PERFECT WORK, THAT YE MAY BE PERFECT AND ENTIRE, WANTING NOTHING.” – James 1:2-4

“BUT THEY THAT WAIT UPON THE LORD SHALL RENEW THEIR STRENGTH; THEY SHALL MOUNT UP WITH WINGS AS EAGLES; THEY SHALL RUN, AND NOT BE WEARY; AND THEY SHALL WALK, AND NOT FAINT.” – ISAIAH 40:31

“Now, look at yourself.  You’re all panicked.  Those are good quotes.  Really good.  But, you think you need to be doing something.  You wrote them and you know them, but you need to apply them.  ‘You need to do something.’  You’re still trying.  You even wrote them down…that’s doing something.  That’s trying.  Apply them.”

When he passed the desk I teared up.

A couple weeks passed and he asked how I was.

“Good”
“Good?  So, it worked out for you?”
“Well, no, I didn’t get what I wanted, but I dealt with it and God let me let it go.  We always get what we need.”
“That’s right.  Listen, we all have something.  Every one of us has to deal with something.”

This week when he walked in…

“Mr. Louis, God is awesome.”
With a big smile on his face he said, “Oh, yeah?  So, now you sit back and you watch God work.”

I ran around the corner teary eyed and gave him a big hug.

He said, “That’s what you do.  He’s awesome ALL the time.  Not some of the time.  ALL of the time.  And you know what?  In a while from now you’re going to look back at this situation and say, ‘Mr. Louis, you know what?  God is so awesome.’

And as he passed the desk I said,
“Mr. Louis, be not forgetful to entertain strangers for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” (Hebrews 13:2)
“That’s right.  ”

Things come and go in our lives, but we have to learn to enjoy the ride.