“In the crushing… In the pressing… You are making new wine.”
I’ve never had a “dream” and always thought it was so cool how God gives them to people. “They’re special.” Some will have visions waiting to come to pass. Some have been given a vivid dream of a future God has for them. I am just an ordinary person walking with God. I’m not saying God doesn’t speak to me. He certainly has and it is incredible every single time. I am awe struck with how much He loves me and cares for me. I am in absolute wonder of His goodness. I love that He wants to intimately know me. He wants to have a relationship with me and the closer I let myself get to Him… the more time I spend in His word and truly surrender and allow His will over mine the louder and more real He gets. It’s the greatest love I will ever know and will never be able to explain it, but there is mutual understanding to fellow believers. He is amazing and magnificent and the Creator and loving and beautiful and indescribable.
“In the soil, I now surrender. You are breaking new ground.”
With all of that said I did have a dream. I don’t know what this dream means or if it means anything. I don’t remember all of it and rarely remember any of my dreams. They’re always a continuance of my regular life in places of familiarity.
This last week I dreamt that I apparently met someone because I was at their house with their parents. I’d never been in this house in real life. Everything was new and unfamiliar, but I obviously knew and was comfortable with everyone in the dream. I saw the guy’s face close up and know I never met them before because consciously I didn’t recognize them or know who he was. Usually I don’t see faces in my dreams, but saw this one. I don’t know what I was thinking about before bed or where it came from.
But, I woke up excited and peaceful. I didn’t wake up that way because of the guy, but maybe new seasons and new things (Isaiah 43:19) and there’s no going backward. God has a whole life waiting for me and I don’t have to have it all figured out. A brand new is somewhere and it’s impossible to fit old puzzle pieces in a new one.
I had been praying for God’s will in my life. I want to not be afraid to let go of things I wanted or thought I wanted for myself. I want to trust Him with my everything. I finally got an answered prayer the week before with part of the letting go process and then had this dream.
More written under this…
Previous Blog Posts
You cannot put new wine in old wine skins (Matthew 9:17). You cannot put your past ways into your new life with Christ or else it will taint it. You also cannot put your new life in your old life because you are a new creature.
Jasmine plants and waiting seasons…
A girl and her miracle bicycle…
Jehovah Jireh – From parking spaces to jean jackets God provides our every need…
Forget the former things…And then suddenly you’re not a grumpy old man…
What if being single wasn’t a disease?
A strong root is formed in darkness…
When God crashes your grand adventure…
Adventures in Grace and Overanalyzing Everything
I have (almost) found the One my soul loves…
Literal snake in my garden-“Be wise as serpents and gentle as doves…”
Maybe it was God’s way of saying “There, Child, let go…”. I don’t know, but it was significant enough for me to remember and share it.
Sometimes, God let’s you look backwards only to show you a why or what he brought you through. Sometimes we pray for seasons to change and for questions to be answered for how and why we got to where we are.
“If I would have done this I could be here now.”
Don’t dwell on that too long. If that was the life God had for you then you would be living it.
Sometimes, we are not ready to receive the blessing so we are to wait. Sometimes, it is a lesson we are to learn and whatever it is will be passing through and not meant to stay.
“AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THEM THAT LOVE GOD, TO THEM WHO ARE THE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE.” – Romans 8:28
God didn’t bring you this far to only bring you this far. It’s easy to get caught up in circumstances and trying to force something that isn’t for us simply because we are out of patience. It is a choice to run to the flesh and say, “I want this right now” instead of testing the spirits.
“BELOVED, BELIEVE NOT EVERY SPIRIT, BUT TRY THE SPIRITS WHETHER THEY ARE OF GOD: BECAUSE MANY FALSE PROPHETS ARE GONE OUT INTO THE WORLD. HEREBY KNOW YE THE SPIRIT OF GOD: EVERY SPIRIT THAT CONFESSETH THAT JESUS CHRIST IS COME IN THE FLESH IS OF GOD: AND EVERY SPIRIT THAT CONFESSETH NOT THAT JESUS CHRIST IS COME IN THE FLESH IS NOT OF GOD: AND THIS IS THAT SPIRIT OF ANTICHRIST, WHEREOF YE HAVE HEARD THAT IT SHOULD COME; AND EVEN NOW ALREADY IS IT IN THE WORLD.
YE ARE OF GOD, LITTLE CHILDREN, AND HAVE OVERCOME THEM: BECAUSE GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN YOU, THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD. THEY ARE OF THE WORLD: THEREFORE SPEAK THEY OF THE WORLD, AND THE WORLD HEARETH THEM.”
– 1 JOHN 4:1-5
If my life had turned out how “it should have” my dependence on God would be less. I would already have what I want and need.
“HE THAT FINDETH HIS LIFE SHALL LOSE IT: AND HE THAT LOSETH HIS LIFE FOR MY SAKE SHALL FIND IT.” – MATTHEW 10:39
“FOR WHAT IS A MAN PROFITED, IF HE SHALL GAIN THE WHOLE WORLD, AND LOSE HIS OWN SOUL? OR WHAT SHALL A MAN GIVE IN EXCHANGE FOR HIS SOUL?”
– MATTHEW 16:26
I’ll always run to this because it is one of my absolute favorites:
“BUT WHAT THINGS WERE GAIN TO ME, THOSE I COUNTED LOSS FOR CHRIST. YEA DOUBTLESS, AND I COUNT ALL THINGS BUT LOSS FOR THE EXCELLENCY OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF CHRIST JESUS MY LORD: FOR WHOM I HAVE SUFFERED THE LOSS OF ALL THINGS, AND DO COUNT THEM BUT DUNG, THAT I MAY WIN CHRIST, AND BE FOUND IN HIM, NOT HAVING MINE OWN RIGHTEOUSNESS, WHICH IS OF THE LAW, BUT THAT WHICH IS THROUGH THE FAITH OF CHRIST, THE RIGHTEOUSNESS WHICH IS OF GOD BY FAITH: THAT I MAY KNOW HIM, AND THE POWER OF HIS RESURRECTION, AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF HIS SUFFERINGS, BEING MADE CONFORMABLE UNTO HIS DEATH; IF BY ANY MEANS I MIGHT ATTAIN UNTO THE RESURRECTION OF THE DEAD.”
– PHILIPPIANS 3:7-11
AS Christians we need those desert seasons. We need to be isolated so that we learn to develop our relationship with Christ and run to Him. We learn to trust in the stillness. We learn to depend on Him and learn He is our provision. He is who He says he is.
“I AM.” – Exodus 3:13-15
This year will be 5 years that I have been saved. From the outside my life looks almost the exact same or from the world’s perspective even worse. 5 years ago I didn’t understand what I was doing, but when I got saved prayed for God to give me wisdom, discernment, patience, and to clean my heart.
Wow.
If you’re a Christian you understand what the last five years have been like with no explanation. It’s been a wild ride for sure. Without God my life would be so boring and I would definitely have a lot less stories. He is the best adventure I will ever go on. The creator of the universe wants me and loves me and fights for me. I couldn’t make my stories or life up. He shows up all the time. He blesses me in the most extraordinary ways. He loves me. He chooses me. He chose me before the foundations of the world. He called and I answered. I chose to give Him control of my life. I surrendered my plans to yield to His.
God’s restoration process can be devastating and beautiful at the same time. Things fall apart and you feel like you’re in a constant state of everything spinning out of control and in His time it gets put back together.
When you go to target and see an outfit you wore when you were 4 years old. #icanteven
😂😂😂
#accidentaltbt #mademyday#howdoyougotothebathroom #theykeptthefabric – Facebook post
Healing seasons have to begin with isolation and brokenness and then one by one the puzzle pieces fit into place.
The year before I got saved (2013) was one of the worst years of my entire life. I was at the end of my rope. I couldn’t go anymore. I wasn’t saved, but knew the Bible stories and now looking back understand it. I felt naked. I didn’t know why, but understand …
“Who told thee that thou wast naked?” – Genesis 3:11
I was living unrighteously, but religious. I felt like the entire world could see all of my flaws and I was walking around unclothed. I felt ashamed. I explain it more in depth in the post listed above titled “Christian Introvert Struggle”.
Now, I understand. I was being called to righteousness. The only way I could be righteous was through the blood of Christ. I could only be saved made whole by Christ’s sacrifice for me.
“I WILL REJOICE GREATLY IN THE LORD, MY SOUL WILL EXULT IN MY GOD; FOR HE HAS CLOTHED ME WITH GARMENTS OF SALVATION, HE HAS WRAPPED ME WITH A ROBE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, AS A BRIDEGROOM DECKS HIMSELF WITH A GARLAND, AND AS A BRIDE ADORNS HERSELF WITH HER JEWELS.” – ISAIAH 61:10
August 1991
“FOR ALL OF US HAVE BECOME LIKE ONE WHO IS UNCLEAN, AND ALL OUR RIGHTEOUS DEEDS ARE LIKE A FILTHY GARMENT; AND ALL OF US WITHER LIKE A LEAF, AND OUR INIQUITIES, LIKE THE WIND, TAKE US AWAY.” – ISAIAH 64:6
“THEREFORE, IF ANYONE IS IN CHRIST, HE IS A NEW CREATION. THE OLD HAS PASSED AWAY;
BEHOLD, THE NEW HAS COME. ALL THIS IS FROM GOD, WHO THROUGH CHRIST RECONCILED US TO HIMSELF AND GAVE US THE MINISTRY OF RECONCILIATION; THAT IS, IN CHRIST GOD WAS RECONCILING THE WORLD TO HIMSELF, NOT COUNTING THEIR TRESPASSES AGAINST THEM, AND ENTRUSTING TO US THE MESSAGE OF RECONCILIATION. THEREFORE, WE ARE AMBASSADORS FOR CHRIST, GOD MAKING HIS APPEAL THROUGH US. WE IMPLORE YOU ON BEHALF OF CHRIST, BE RECONCILED TO GOD. FOR OUR SAKE HE MADE HIM TO BE SIN RWHO KNEW NO SIN, SO THAT IN HIM WE MIGHT BECOME THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD.”
– 2 CORINTHIANS 5:17-21
It’s been a five year process (so far) of God tearing down my old mindset and creating in me a new heart. A few days ago while I Was praying I realized this.
January 19, 2019 was the end of an old season and start of a brand new one.
I’ve been a caregiver most of my life. I took care of my sick mom who passed away in 2008. God restored all of that brokenness by giving me the opportunity to take care of my grandma.
When I took care of my mom I was an entirely different person. I lived in fear. I had no control of my life. I was 18 when she died and I chose to ignore that it ever happened and that she never existed. You cannot heal hurts that you don’t face. If you don’t talk about it then you don’t have to acknowledge you are hurting. “Everything is fine”.
The truth is I was an absolute mess. I had control issues with food which became a healthier obsession with running and then turning to traveling. Nothing has brought more joy or comfort or contentment in my life than Jesus. He is it. There’s no joy or point to anything outside of Christ. You can search the whole world over and still come up short because this world will never satisfy. You will always be running to the next thing looking to be filled up. He is the living water. He quenches every thirst. He fills every void.
When you don’t think your #tbt outfit can be any more awesome and then you realize it can also be used as camo.
#thegiftthatkeepsongiving #sparkingallthejoy#cantseeme – Facebook post
That’s what this blog had become. It was a journey of healing and my relationship with God. I had no plan when I first started it, but only to take pictures of food. But, I’m also not a great writer, but since i met Jesus I can talk about Him FOREVER. He became my purpose and passion. I finally had something to live for. I had a reason for being here.
Anyway, being a caregiver is hard. It is. You give up your life. Taking care of my grandma was God teaching my heart to stay and learn to be content where you are.
“One of the hardest working, stubborn, toughest food critics I’ll ever know.
Yesterday morning I lost one of my best friends. I always tell people God had me take care of her because she was the only one who could toughen me up. I am so blessed to have gotten to spend so much time with her for so long.
I love you forever.” – Posted January 20, 2019
Facebook post January 27, 2019:
“This is a real life post:
A few months ago things had really leveled up taking care of my grandma. I can’t even explain how thankful I am for good friends and the amount of novel texts they put up with and how many times God spoke through her.
One day I said, “I can’t go anymore. I feel like I am 3 feet away from the finish line, but I can’t take another step. I can’t even crawl across it. When I did stand up I felt like someone hit me over the head with a bat and I got knocked back down.”
I can’t remember word for word, but my friend said, “If Jesus can carry a bloody cross on his back and get torn up and beaten and bruised you can stand back up and finish that walk.”
Can’t really fight that can you. Not long after I got that second wind. I had peace and it wasn’t difficult anymore. By God’s grace I finished that race well.
“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31
“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7″
I had to learn to ignore everyone’s comments about my life because I knew this is where God had me. It was difficult, yes. But, once I learned that the devil looks around to steal your joy and knows exactly how to do it I learned the game. He couldn’t get me anymore. This was where God had me. I stressed and cried more than I ever had in my whole life because God was getting rid of the old me. I couldn’t go back to my old patterns. I had to fully rely on Him. He was my strength. When my grandma did pass away I had a peace I never experienced before. It wasn’t just me. I really had done what God had called me to do. I had no regrets at all. I had no turning back or wondering about anything.
“FAITHFUL IS HE THAT CALLETH YOU, WHO ALSO WILL DO IT.”
– 1 THESSALONIANS 5:24
“FOR WE WOULD NOT, BRETHREN, HAVE YOU IGNORANT OF OUR TROUBLE WHICH CAME TO US IN ASIA, THAT WE WERE PRESSED OUT OF MEASURE, ABOVE STRENGTH, INSOMUCH THAT WE DESPAIRED EVEN OF LIFE: BUT WE HAD THE SENTENCE OF DEATH IN OURSELVES, THAT WE SHOULD NOT TRUST IN OURSELVES, BUT IN GOD WHICH RAISETH THE DEAD…” – 2 CORINTHIANS 1:8-9
It’s been almost 2 months now and life certainly is different. My whole life was being a caregiver and now this new season has started but with no physical difference. I’ve been doing different things that God has me doing, but at the same time have felt a little lost.
I am learning to be still and trust God. I have time to spend with Him and learn who I am in Him. It’s like you know there is something around the corner, but it hasn’t arrived yet. It’s not just waiting for those things you hoped for because He should be enough. It’s learning to enjoy Him in the little things every single day. It’s learning how he puts things together and brings back your past to restore your old ways into a new creature walking with Him. It’s letting go of the past and allowing yourself to heal so that you can walk into the next season with Him knowing who He has. You can let go of all you were holding onto knowing He is good. He wants what is best for us.
We have to let go. He knows better than we do. He loves us more than we can ever imagine.
Let go of your idols. He casts them down because He is jealous for you. He will let you fight yourself as long as you want. Jacob literally fought God and Jacob lost. God is going to win. You can walk out with as many gray hairs as you want. You can cry and scream and beg and plead…. but His timing is not Yours. He knows what is best for us and when it is best. Everything good and perfect gift comes from Him and He knows when we are ready to receive it. Sometimes, we are meant to be still. When He says to go then you go.
Life begins the moment you say, “Here I am, Lord.”
New Wine- Hillsong Youtube Link
In the pressing…
You are making new wine.
In the soil, I now surrender…
You are breaking new ground.
When I trust You I don’t need to understand…
Make me an offering.
Make me whatever You want me to be.
I came here with nothing but all You have given me…
Jesus, bring new wine out of me”
Beloved Oath of God 