About a week ago I said something that I never thought I possibly ever could: I am so thankful God didn’t give me what I wanted most.

“YOU RECEIVE NOT BECAUSE YOU ASK AMISS”… what a mind blowing answer.

What was amiss?

I’ve always wanted to get married.

Why?

In my life nothing seemed to ever workout, but getting married was always next.  IT WAS ALWAYS NEXT, but never seemed to arrive.  I’ve written several posts about that so I won’t stay there too long.

But, what God was doing was preparing me for Himself.  I was always a caregiver, so getting married and having my own family seemed to be obvious.  “God, isn’t this what you made me for?”

But, I was always stressed.  Caregiving is hard.  But, it’s all I knew.  In my head I needed to get married.  Isn’t that what Christians do?  They get married and have babies.

What a rabbit hole of deception that was and God rapidly shutting down all the lies and ripping my eyes open to what He actually says.

“It is better to remain single.”  Paul, you can’t mean that?  God, that can’t be true.

And suddenly the next phase of my life was not a wife… at least in the physical.  God made me His bride.  The next phase of my life was God saying, “Enjoy Me.  Be with Me.  Spend time with Me.”

I am so thankful God loves me SO MUCH to not give me what I wanted most.  With all the crying and begging and pleading and praying God was there saying, “She’ll be alright.  Wait until she sees what I have planned.”  Of all the things I prayed for… little things… He saw the end and that I would enjoy my life of singleness.  That is a God thing for me to type as it’s still unbelievable to me that I can admit that.  That is also admitting what a stronghold that was on my life.

I have no one to take care of right now.  It’s me and God.  I am free.  This is what it means to be free.  This is what it means to be content.  This is peace.  Jesus is peace.  “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free…”

Since Jesus is the truth you could also say: “You shall know Me and I will set you free.”

With all the gray hair I have from the stress I created by trying to force seasons that weren’t here yet…

By living under my own plan (that didn’t even make sense) instead of surrendering to God’s…

For all the years I thought I wasted my life by not moving forward…

By all the standards society set that I did not live up to because I was doing what God called me to do…

there was my God saying, “She’ll be alright.”

God is cleaning out my life.  He’s bringing in the new and wiping out the old.  He’s showing me who belongs in my life and sweeping out who doesn’t.

Give what you’re struggling with to God.  Trust me I know what I’m talking about.  I hold the trophy and t shirts for who can hold onto things and not surrender.  YOU DON’T WANT THAT TROPHY.

I don’t know what’s next, but I know who my God is and that all of His plans for me are for good and never to harm me.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.  He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.