Today’s post is brought to you by my current life situation that, of course, God is using to teach me something.

Sin can start off small.  It eventually becomes a habit and eventually doesn’t even seem wrong because it’s just the way you are living.  But, sin, no matter how small starts making its way through your life and infecting it in ways you couldn’t even imagine.  You didn’t even realize you are covered in it because the roots are so deep.

Take bitterness for example.  God delivered me from it and my life has never been the same.  I didn’t even realize I was THAT bitter or how much it controlled my life.  It was a planted deep in my life that God had to unravel ALLLLLLL the way back to the root an I didn’t even realize that’s where it came from.  But, once it was gone I was completely free.

Forget the former things…And then suddenly you’re not a grumpy old man…

God had me in an isolated situation out of my control to shape and mold me and bring out my weaknesses for in them is the heart revealed.  We can either grow from adversity or let it control our life by living in denial and never moving forward.  The choice is always ours.

“WHEREIN YE GREATLY REJOICE, THOUGH NOW FOR A SEASON, IF NEED BE, YE ARE IN HEAVINESS THROUGH MANIFOLD TEMPTATIONS: THAT THE TRIAL OF YOUR FAITH, BEING MUCH MORE PRECIOUS THAN OF GOLD THAT PERISHETH, THOUGH IT BE TRIED WITH FIRE, MIGHT BE FOUND UNTO PRAISE AND HONOUR AND GLORY AT THE APPEARING OF JESUS CHRIST: WHOM HAVING NOT SEEN, YE LOVE; IN WHOM, THOUGH NOW YE SEE HIM NOT, YET BELIEVING, YE REJOICE WITH JOY UNSPEAKABLE AND FULL OF GLORY: RECEIVING THE END OF YOUR FAITH, EVEN THE SALVATION OF YOUR SOULS.” – 1 PETER 1:6-9

At the time I was taking care of my grandma and in the midst of being a caregiver is how God was dealing with me.  I was so stressed out that while I am only 31 years old I honestly feel like I’ve lived a whole life.  I feel like I can be 85.  My dad would say, “Stress can kill you, Aimee.”

I was at the kitchen table one day after work last year and crying.  My dad said, “Aimee, you’re so intense and you cry all the time.  That’s not good.”
“I KNOW!!! I can’t help it!  I don’t want to be like this!”

Matthew 10: When only God can restore your relationship with your dad.

The thing with me is I used to hold EVERYTHING in.  I didn’t realize how much I held in until I got saved.  When you meet Jesus, the righteous one who LOVES you more than you can ever imagine you’re not afraid anymore and you can let go.  So, for years I didn’t cry, and when I got saved I couldn’t stop crying.  Crying is very healing.  You are releasing so many things when you cry.  First of all, you are aware of the fact that you are letting yourself feel something and in those emotions, no matter what they are, they need to be released.  I went from not showing my emotions at all (because nothing could get me) to having to learn to control them.   I couldn’t understand why I was always crying.  Seriously, I felt emotionally unstable.  Before I was saved, but God was calling me a friend had invited me to a church service.  (FYI… I do not attend a church service now because I believe as Christians we are the church.)  I decided to go because I needed to get out of the house REALLY BAD and “what could it hurt”.

The preacher’s sermon was on fear.  My whole life was controlled by fear.  I could not have asked the guy to write anything or talk about anything more perfect than what he said.  It was as if the sermon was FOR ME.  I wept the ENTIRE SERVICE.  I looked at my friend and said, “These people are going to think I’m emotionally unstable!”.  But, fear controlled me and once God got a hold of me it was a whole new game.  It was a process ,but He is so good and faithful and He loves us through it.

How does an ingrown toenail come into play here?  I currently have an infected one and clearly cannot do anything at the moment and thus can only be taught by God in metaphors about my sin and infections while I am stuck on the sofa. 😛

About a month ago I knew I should have gotten new shoes, but didn’t want to spend money.  I’ve never had an ingrown toenail.  I pray and try to eat healthy (for the most part) so I try to avoid doctors as best I can.

I’ve been running a lot.  It’s so hot down here and I sweat SO MUCH and have an issue with not drinking enough water.  There’s so much being unraveled about my health here.  So, by not drinking enough water, not having proper footwear, and my toenails being weaker because I haven’t been taking my vitamins… (insert eye roll)… while running part of my toenail fell off.  Not a big deal.

I didn’t think anything of it.  Last weekend I went for a run, but through the week (the week including this answered prayer: When you turn down your dream opportunity … Life updates… ) my foot started hurting more and more.  Not only was it my toe, but because my toe hurt I was walking different which caused my foot to hurt and thus my left leg started bothering me.  It hurt so bad, and I didn’t want to miss going to the gym, I decided to just do the row machine and do upper body things.  I tried soaking it, but antiseptic on it and that didn’t help.  Thursday night I noticed it was swollen and red, but again my thinking was it would just go away.  At night, while laying in bed, my foot would just throb.  Infections (and sin) do not go away by themselves.  They need to be dealt with and treated.  You can ignore it all you want, but infections spread and can lead to pretty nasty things.  The roots need to be plucked out.

By Friday morning my toe was puffy and red and I couldn’t walk on it.  I didn’t know how I would get through work because my foot hurt so bad.  I loosened my shoe as much as I could and propped it up on a step we have under the desk.  I didn’t tell anyone about it because what’s there to tell?  My toe hurt?  What’s the big deal.  People have much bigger problems.  Well, I decided to finally google ingrown toenails and sure enough they are a big deal.  If left untreated they can wreak havoc.

I was praying about it (and my thoughts were getting out of control) and it was only getting worse.  I DID NOT WANT TO GO TO THE DR FOR MY TOE.  When I FINALLY asked my coworkers and told them my symptoms they freaked out.  Ok, I called the podiatrist, but she was in surgery that day.  Maybe it was a sign God would just heal my toe…?  I called an urgent care to see if they dealt with infected ingrown toenails and they did.

I went to the DR and almost cried in the waiting room.  (Listen there was a copay I had to pay AND in the beginning of the week while trimming the bushes cut through the extension cord so had to pay money for a new extension cord… yes, I know, thankfully I was not electrocuted.)  Then, I really did cry when I had to take the medicine because I felt like a wimp and failure (no drama here).  There were also other biological factors that heightened my emotions at the time.  My friend reassured me that by taking antibiotics I was not choosing Satan and that God can use Drs to heal us, too. (Insert mass hysterical laughter here) because I KNOW THE DRAMA.  This blog is nothing if not real life.

(Then, last night I was saying the medicine did not help like the DR said and my toe was throbbing.  My dad: “You’ve been walking on it all day!  ‘I’m going to bake and stand up all day!’…. good point.)

******Anyone who knows me knows I follow anatomy and autopsy pages on instagram.  I have learned not everyone thinks what the body can do is cool by sending them things and them responding they were sick. :).  Do not read this paragraph if you have a weak stomach: I am currently on day 2 of antibiotics and the swelling did go down a little.  Yesterday morning I took a toothpick to try to relieve some of the pressure and dug around my nail when pus came out.   ******

I have a trip to Colorado next week and I don’t plan on sitting on the sofa with an ingrown toenail.

Anyway, long story short, in one week I cut through an extension cord without getting electrocuted, got a new job with my favorite guy, and learned what an infected ingrown toenail feels like and have never thought of how much I take my toes for granted or how much I love them.  Lots of lessons learned here.