Isn’t it funny how God works?  His will is going to happen no matter what.  You can either enjoy the process or fight it and one of those options is a lot less stressful than the other.

His ways are so different than what we would expect.  His ways are not our ways.  His time is not our time.  He is the eternal God.  We think logically and try to put God in our box, but His ways are ALWAYS much better.  He loves to surprise us AND YET we still want to stay in control and know the outcome.  The flesh.

We want what we want right then which makes it difficult to see past the circumstance  causing it to feel like God has forgotten us.  Feelings have no place where the truth is.  Feelings ebb and flow.  The truth is….well, the Truth.  When circumstances get you down cling to His word and promises.  There is no other way to wait out a trial than to cling to Jesus.  He is His word.  Peter had the Word in the flesh right in front of Him.

“BUT STRAIGHTWAY JESUS SPAKE UNTO THEM, SAYING, BE OF GOOD CHEER; IT IS I; BE NOT AFRAID.”

Peter asked Jesus to prove it was Him walking on the water and not a ghost.

Jesus said, “Come!”.  Jesus saw no problem.  Step out in faith, Peter.  Come on.  It’s Me.  Peter doubted and started getting scared.  I mean, have you ever tried to walk on water??  The wind picked up.  He started sinking dwelling on his own human reasoning instead of Who he had been spending all his time with.

“BUT WHEN HE SAW THE WIND BOISTEROUS, HE WAS AFRAID; AND BEGINNING TO SINK, HE CRIED, SAYING, LORD, SAVE ME. AND IMMEDIATELY JESUS STRETCHED FORTH HIS HAND, AND CAUGHT HIM…”

He IMMEDIATELY stretched out his hand and caught him.  IMMEDIATELY.

Even after Peter wanted him to prove it was really Him.  Even after testing Jesus.  Even after stepping out.  Even after getting scared.  Jesus didn’t say, “I told you so.”  Peter cried out for Him and He IMMEDIATELY saved him, but then chastised him.  This is Who I AM, Peter.

“O THOU OF LITTLE FAITH, WHEREFORE DIDST THOU DOUBT?  AND WHEN THEY WERE COME INTO THE SHIP, THE WIND CEASED.  THEN THEY THAT WERE IN THE SHIP CAME AND WORSHIPPED HIM, SAYING, OF A TRUTH THOU ART THE SON OF GOD. – MATTHEW 14:26-33

We are all Peter.  Or at least I am.
“I want this.  Prove who You are.  Let me walk with you.  Oh, wait…what’s going to happen?  Did you leave me?  I’m on my own.  I can’t do this.  I changed my mind.  This is impossible.”

“I AM.”  When I look away from Him I sink.  When I doubt His promises I get overwhelmed with fear.  I need to keep my eyes on Him.  He is.  He always was and always will be.  He’s the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

While we have desires and longings for ourselves God is saying, “I am what you desire. Rest in Me.  I am Life.  Stop searching.  Let me show you.”  Our first desire should always be Him.

“DELIGHT THYSELF IN THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART.” – PSALM 37:4

As a Christian He is our desire.  He puts the desires in our heart because He desires us for Himself.  He creates a thirst and a longing that only He can satisfy.  It’s our choice to choose Him.  Delight yourself in Him and He will give you rest.  Delight yourself in Him and He will give you what you desire which in turn is always Him and always perfect and good.  Rest.  Just be.  You can just be.  Isn’t that nice?

Before I was saved I thought that was insane.  I thought God was just this control freak who wouldn’t give me what I wanted which turns out to be a hilarious way of thinking because I’m me…and I don’t even know what I want. Thankfully, He doesn’t give us what we want.  Thankfully, I serve an amazing Heavenly Father who never tires of me.  His love never runs out.  I am His.  He is mine.  A love and hope secured.

Just think of earthly parents endlessly telling their child no.  Is it because they hate them?  No.  “Don’t climb on the counter.”  Why?  Because they know they could get hurt.  Parents even know that their child is going to consider climbing on the counter long before they get to the kitchen.  Why?  Because they know their child.  They know the ins and outs of their likes and dislikes…their joys…their little sneaky personalities.  They know.  They know their levels of responsibility and what they deserve and don’t deserve.  They know how to discipline their child.  It’s the same with God and He is perfect.

Isn’t it awesome how God deals with us?  He tears down our idols right in front of us.  We don’t even realize they are idols sometimes.  It’s painful when something we like is taken from us, right?  Like a child?  I’ve witnessed a few tantrums right in front of my eyes.  You’d think someone was murdering them with the blood curdling screams and I was just like…”But, that fork can poke your eye out???”.

“FOR THE SCRIPTURE SAITH UNTO PHARAOH, EVEN FOR THIS SAME PURPOSE HAVE I RAISED THEE UP, THAT I MIGHT SHEW MY POWER IN THEE, AND THAT MY NAME MIGHT BE DECLARED THROUGHOUT ALL THE EARTH.  THEREFORE HATH HE MERCY ON WHOM HE WILL HAVE MERCY, AND WHOM HE WILL HE HARDENETH.  THOU WILT SAY THEN UNTO ME, WHY DOTH HE YET FIND FAULT? FOR WHO HATH RESISTED HIS WILL?  NAY BUT, O MAN, WHO ART THOU THAT REPLIEST AGAINST GOD? SHALL THE THING FORMED SAY TO HIM THAT FORMED IT, WHY HAST THOU MADE ME THUS?  HATH NOT THE POTTER POWER OVER THE CLAY, OF THE SAME LUMP TO MAKE ONE VESSEL UNTO HONOUR, AND ANOTHER UNTO DISHONOUR?  WHAT IF GOD, WILLING TO SHEW HIS WRATH, AND TO MAKE HIS POWER KNOWN, ENDURED WITH MUCH LONGSUFFERING THE VESSELS OF WRATH FITTED TO DESTRUCTION:  AND THAT HE MIGHT MAKE KNOWN THE RICHES OF HIS GLORY ON THE VESSELS OF MERCY, WHICH HE HAD AFORE PREPARED UNTO GLORY…” – ROMANS 9:17-23

I will be one year older…soon.  I’d never imagine my life would be the way it is right now, but it is good.  I always imagined “The American Dream”.  In my perfect world I would be married, probably have children by now, live next to my cousin and we’d raise our children together.  Obviously, we’d have the fence that swings open and shut so we could just go back and forth as we please.  We’d laugh all the time.  I don’t know who I would be married to or what I’d be doing.  I don’t know what they would look like.  I just know I’d have the ‘American Dream’.  Guess what?  None of that is close to reality.  My cousin lives states away and I currently take care of my grandma.  Aside from that detail thank God we don’t get what we want.

Growing up in my head I always pictured the Christian life as perfect.  You did good, grew up, got married, had a family, had a house with the picket fence and life was roses.  That was the equation and I could laugh out loud as I type that.  I’ve learned there is nothing perfect about a Christian life except serving the One who is Perfect.

I have learned that marriage can be great and can be the ultimate reflection of a Christian’s relationship with God as He is the One who created it… a holy union for Himself.  It’s not just to have company and go to the movies on Friday nights.

Marriage is hard.

Maybe for some people marriage is not the ultimate goal.  I don’t mean that in a feminist “I am independent and don’t need a man” way.  The current sinful world has created that current reality for a lot of people, but that is not what I am talking about.  I am talking about 1 Corinthians 7.  Paul preaches His calling to be single.  It is better to be single as the distractions from this world are cut out and you can focus solely on serving God.  Getting married changes your priorities a little as you are now taking care of your spouse and children.  However, it is better to marry than to live in sin.  If you cannot contain your fleshly desires, then marry.

I bring that up because I’ve recently been free of “NEEDING” to be married.  I always wondered what better way to serve God than being married and “raising them up in the way they should go?”.  It was all I longed for and desired.  Or was it?  Was it an idol?  Did I just think that’s what I was supposed to do?

Am I called to be single?  I don’t know.  I mean, I’m 28.5 (holding that out for a couple more weeks) and to some that seems like I have a while to live before I ‘settle down’.  To me, it’s the oldest I’ve been and seems like forever.  Covetousness.  Seeing everyone have everything you want (or think you want) is real.  That’s why God says not to covet.  It creates hatred and jealousy.  Jesus said hating your brother is the same as murder because murder starts in the heart…with a thought that needs to be cut off.

Nevertheless, do I want to get married?  Yes.  If God desires for me to be and I find the “right one”.  If I don’t ever get married I know I will be ok.  A year ago at this time there is no way I would be satisfied being single the rest of my life.  I am not declaring singleness, but have accepted it.  Do you know how freeing that is?  There is no worry.  It’s me and God.  He is my desire.  If someone comes along that would be a blessing.  That is currently where I am and content with being until God changes the situation.  And, yes, I fully believe God is in total control of everything.  Could I go out my front door and marry the person walking down my street?  Yes.  I have total free will to marry who I want.  Nothing is stopping me, really, except wisdom and discernment.

Where in the bible did anyone go out and stress and search for a spouse?  Nowhere.

Christian marriage isn’t the end…or the ultimate goal in life like I always imagined and longed for.  Is it a blessing?  Absolutely.  But, God created us first and foremost for Himself.  He established the church to be married to Him.  The church is His Bride and He is the Bridegroom.  The most loving, perfect Bridegroom anyone could ever imagine.

A relationship (with the right person) should make you grow and bring out the best version of yourself.  It’s a reflection of yourself, really.  You attract what you are.  As a Christian just think what a relationship with the most holy, righteous Creator would do?  We want to be like Him who IS love…who IS perfect…who IS good.  Love and live with abandon sets your heart free.  There is no fear of abandonment.  It’s a feeling and love that is completely indescribable.

There is no room for fear or insecurity in love.  Can you imagine being in love with the Creator of it?  Relationships make you learn a lot about yourself and make you yearn to know the one you’re with.  You refine one another.

“BUT WHO MAY ABIDE THE DAY OF HIS COMING? AND WHO SHALL STAND WHEN HE APPEARETH? FOR HE IS LIKE A REFINER’S FIRE, AND LIKE FULLERS’ SOAP:  AND HE SHALL SIT AS A REFINER AND PURIFIER OF SILVER: AND HE SHALL PURIFY THE SONS OF LEVI, AND PURGE THEM AS GOLD AND SILVER, THAT THEY MAY OFFER UNTO THE LORD AN OFFERING IN RIGHTEOUSNESS.” – MALACHI 3:2-3

“FOR THOU, O GOD, HAST PROVED US: THOU HAST TRIED US, AS SILVER IS TRIED.  THOU BROUGHTEST US INTO THE NET; THOU LAIDST AFFLICTION UPON OUR LOINS.  THOU HAST CAUSED MEN TO RIDE OVER OUR HEADS; WE WENT THROUGH FIRE AND THROUGH WATER: BUT THOU BROUGHTEST US OUT INTO A WEALTHY PLACE.” – PSALM 66:10-12

Perfect love.  Change is hard.  Being refined is hard.  Who wants to face themselves?  I hate change.  I like being safe in my little world.  When did God call us to be comfortable and safe in our picket fence world?  If that were the case I think the people in the bible would like some explaining.  What is a few years of living uncomfortable for the hope of life eternal in His glory?

(Originally posted August 1, 2017)