I started journaling 5.5 years ago.

I have only a few pages left of my 2nd journal which covers about the last 1.5 years.  Each time I have gotten to the end I get sad for some reason.  It’s like something major has ended, but in the words of my cousin , “Just get another journal?”.

Ha.  We don’t have the same personality obviously.

But, it’s like I’m saying goodbye to a friend.  This journal saw a lot.  I truly learned to write my feelings and get them out as I found out I was afraid of them.  I learned “God already knows your thoughts and feelings so face them yourself, girl.” so I’d write them all out and God would meet me where I was and then we’d move forward.

“Thank you for coming to Me with that.  Don’t you feel better?”

The worst days I scribbled down didn’t seem as bad when I re-read them.  One of the toughest “I don’t think I can take another step” began with despair and ended with a song of praise like that song “Raise a Hallelujah”, but it was before I ever heard it. 🙂

My first ever journal covered 4 years which obviously shows I didn’t write as often.  This journal clearly had a lot more expression.  I like to look back because I can see how much I have grown.  I am NOT THE SAME person I was 1.5 years ago and thank God for that.

“I only have a few pages left in this journal . This entry may take it all up.  I’ve learned a lot since the beginning of writing in this notebook and have grown a lot since my last journal.  It’s always emotional for some reason to get to the end.  Nearly 1.5 years of my life have been written.  So much has happened and I’ve grown so much nearer to Christ.

My desires remain the same, but not nearly as intense.  What was ‘I need’ became ‘If God wills’.  What was despair over wasting my life became knowing this journey with God will always be an adventure.  What was, ‘When, God?’ became ‘Thank You for not giving me what I wanted.’  

In the last 1.5 years I’ve gotten to see a close friend marry the one his soul loves and another friend fly to Uganda to meet his.  I’ve gone to Colorado and (taken) a road trip with Emily to the gulf coast.

I’ve been delivered from bitterness and told an atheist my life came down to him or moving to Colorado and therefore know the plans God has for me.

I got to work with Brent and learned how capable my heart can expand to love.

I’ve gotten to be part of a family who is like what I imagine my future life to be (kind of). I’ve grown close to people and met Mr. Isaiah and grown apart from people like (Name).

I’ve learned to forget the former things knowing God will do a new thing.

I’ve made unexpected friendships.

Most importantly I’ve learned to trust God and know that everything works out for good to those who love God and are the called according to His purpose.

I’ve learned my God will supply all my needs according to Christ’s riches and glory.

I’ve learned things I counted gain to me are counted as loss for the excellency of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord.

I’ve learned what marriage really is.  I’ve learned the roles of a husband and wife and how important of a reflection to Christ they are.

I’ve learned what is for you is for you and what’s not is not.

I’ve learned you cannot force a season you are not supposed to be in and relax and enjoy the ride.

I’ve learned to let go of my plans because God’s are always best.

I’ve learned just how much I love my brothers and sisters in Christ and how thankful I am to have them.  I’ve learned you don’t have to look for God’s people… they just show up.  Who is meant to be in your life will be there and God weeds out the rest.”

A friend of mine bought me a journal last year and I’ve been saving it on my bookshelf.

Here’s to a new book of memories and growth. 🙂