“Do not ask God to guide your footsteps if you are not willing to move your feet.”

God says not to worry about tomorrow.  The good that comes from worrying is if it’s a healthy concern you can use that as motivation to learn something.  In the last few weeks of panic motivation crept in to start reading books about business and investing.  I was a caregiver all my life who dropped out of school and currently have a small job with a second part time job that is perfect for me. You may be wondering “whats your problem” and I honestly don’t know as I look at how God has taken care of me.  I have food, clothes, shelter filled with family who loves me.

I’ll never regret the last few years of my life because the last few years were spent reading and studying God’s word.  When I say that I mean I could not read or pay attention to anything else.  People thought I was crazy, but that’s where He planted me.

Without a good foundation of His word what would reading what other people say do for my life?  The Creator of the universe was teaching and guiding me and preparing me for life.

If I read all the encyclopedias… all the history books… learned physics and followed stock charts… had an understanding of a balance sheet… if I didn’t have God or His word all of the knowledge in the world would gain me nothing.  What good would that do without having godly principles?

Now that I am rooted in His word and know who I am in Christ He is pushing me in other areas.  Now we can get on with the program.

Naturally, I am a caregiver and have never had an interest in the areas I am currently reading about.  Last year when taking care of my grandma I realized I should do something productive while being home so got a few books and started reading them which is a giant stretch for me.  I’ve had to read and re-read and re-read the same things OVER AND OVER.

Being stressed is good in a way because it brings you to the end going, “WHAT AM I GOING TO DO” and you lose fear about it because what do you have to lose?

You don’t have to take it to the extreme and panic that your life is going to fall apart in the next five minutes… and I’ve had to pray and ask for forgiveness.

For the last few weeks I’ve had serious doubts and questions I’ve never had before.  We are to test everything against the Word, but I was so frazzled and paralyzed I couldn’t even do that.  I have not been reading my bible.  Instead I started focusing on circumstances and how to get my life together.  Every time though would remember this is exactly why He says what He says.  There are current life situations all over the bible.  It can all be applied to today no matter what anyone says about an outdated book.

He equipped us for life by giving us a book of instructions: How to deal with people… don’t hate your brother… don’t lust after people for adultery starts in the heart… let yours be yes and no be no and be a keeper of your word for its a witness to others about Christ.  It tells us how to be a husband, wife, father, mother, friend, neighbor… you name it it’s in there.  There is nothing new under the sun.

You see, at the same time I started freaking out God brought to my attention Numbers 13.  I’ve always been intimidated by Numbers.  Why?  I don’t know, but that chapter was the subject of a sermon I’ve listened to repeatedly to last week motivating me to read the book.

Moses sent spies from each tribe to look at the land promised by God and they came back with a false report scaring the Israelites.

Caleb said not to worry and they could fight the enemies because He knew how great His God was.  But, the other guys said they were far big and would kill them.

The Israelites moaned and complained stating being a slave in Egypt was far better than the life they have now that Moses led them to dying in the desert.  (Blog continues below)

“AND ALL THE CONGREGATION LIFTED UP THEIR VOICE, AND CRIED; AND THE PEOPLE WEPT THAT NIGHT.

AND ALL THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL MURMURED AGAINST MOSES AND AGAINST AARON: AND THE WHOLE CONGREGATION SAID UNTO THEM, WOULD GOD THAT WE HAD DIED IN THE LAND OF EGYPT! OR WOULD GOD WE HAD DIED IN THIS WILDERNESS!  AND WHEREFORE HATH THE LORD BROUGHT US UNTO THIS LAND, TO FALL BY THE SWORD, THAT OUR WIVES AND OUR CHILDREN SHOULD BE A PREY? WERE IT NOT BETTER FOR US TO RETURN INTO EGYPT

AND THEY SAID ONE TO ANOTHER, LET US MAKE A CAPTAIN, AND LET US RETURN INTO EGYPT.

THEN MOSES AND AARON FELL ON THEIR FACES BEFORE ALL THE ASSEMBLY OF THE CONGREGATION OF THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL.

AND JOSHUA THE SON OF NUN, AND CALEB THE SON OF JEPHUNNEH, WHICH WERE OF THEM THAT SEARCHED THE LAND, RENT THEIR CLOTHES: AND THEY SPAKE UNTO ALL THE COMPANY OF THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL, SAYING, THE LAND, WHICH WE PASSED THROUGH TO SEARCH IT, IS AN EXCEEDING GOOD LAND.  IF THE LORD DELIGHT IN US, THEN HE WILL BRING US INTO THIS LAND, AND GIVE IT US; A LAND WHICH FLOWETH WITH MILK AND HONEY.

ONLY REBEL NOT YE AGAINST THE LORD, NEITHER FEAR YE THE PEOPLE OF THE LAND; FOR THEY ARE BREAD FOR US: THEIR DEFENCE IS DEPARTED FROM THEM, AND THE LORD IS WITH US: FEAR THEM NOT.” – NUMBERS 14:1-9

Moses, Aaron, Joshua, and Caleb basically said, “Are you insane?!” while reminding them of all God has done for them and all the miracles they saw along the way.  Yahweh did not bring them this far to only bring them this far.

I’ve read the story all week and have been convicted.  I am like the Israelites only praying that it is not too late.  Nothing is ever good enough and I do not know how to let it go.  The good that came from it was the conviction, but also the hunger for learning.

We can pray all we want about new things, but first we have to be prepared for it.  We won’t get what we have prayed for until we are the person able to handle it.

Inch by inch it’s a cinch and little changes create habits and knowledge comes a little at a time.

I’m praying I have the right heart and not doing this because I feel forgotten.  But, maybe instead it’s to prepare me for what He has for me.  We grow from glory to glory and right now I’m feeling like I’m back at square one, but this time with more wisdom.

And as I wrote these thoughts down have clarity this isn’t a jumbled mess.

“AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THOSE WHO LOVE GOD AND ARE THE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE.” – ROMANS 8:28

That is what He’s doing.  New things can be scary.  Change and learning new lifestyles and habits are hard and sometimes daunting.  But, as a new creature you’re shedding the old you.  That person is dead and the old me is not allowed on this journey.

God has brought me too far and conquered too many giants for me to turn back now.  My concern does not change who God is.  Taking my eyes off of Him and onto my circumstances doesn’t change the Creator of the Universe and all He has done since the beginning of time and what He has done for me.  He is Who He says He is.

This is the beginning of something beautiful and beginnings are always messy.