There’s a song that plays at my job a lot.  It’s a secular song, but when I looked up the lyrics realized how true and “BAM! Wow!” They are.

‘Walls’ by Rozes and Mat Kearney

“I’ve been trying to find your heart,
But you keep burnin’ all the bridges to where you are.
I’ve been looking for a spark, but you just disappear and leave me here in the dark.
Will it really make a difference if nobody’s gonna listen?
How could you be close to me physically But feel so distant?
Feels like you drew a long line and now I’m on the wrong side…
And if we don’t believe the same, dream the same you’d leave me on the outside.
I try to find the words
No matter what I say I swear they go unheard and they scatter like the leaves.
I can tell by the look in your eyes though that you don’t wanna see.

Behind your walls
You build them up so tall
You don’t even hear me calling
Brick by brick I try to tear them down
But you just stand your ground
You don’t even hear the sound of
All my canons raging

If I could change what made you this way I’d buy up that house of blame and burn it down in our name.
But you just stay … Behind your walls

I’ve been trying to find your heart But you keep burnin’ all the bridges to where you are…”

I was thinking in the eyes of the world how true this song is for any type of relationships.  We all want to be validated and we are so afraid to let people see the real us for fear they will run away.  We keep people at a distance for fear if we show them our flaws they won’t accept us and will reject us because ‘how dare you be this way’.  At least that’s what I used to do.  I was the master at pushing people away … don’t let people too close because they’re going to leave and you’ll just get hurt.  This went for any type of relationship but I am thankful God spared and protected me from any type of romantic one.  I am thankful God kept me for himself because I was all kinds of screwed up and really could have destroyed my life.  I was shy and anti social, but knew what I always wanted and had to become the person I always wanted to be… and to do that means you’re isolated a lot.

2013 was the absolute worst year of my life and at the end of 2014 I met Jesus and the game completely changed.  It wasn’t a game anymore.  I was complete and whole… loved just as I was.  He met me in the darkest place when He could have rejected me.   He knew every single dark thought … every space of loneliness He filled with His peace and grace… and every fear of rejection He replaced with His love.

“Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered a covenant with thee, saith the Lord GOD, and thou became mine.” – Ezekiel 16:8

He saw our filth and knew what He was getting into and still loves us.  There’s nothing that shocks Him… there’s nothing that scares Him away … this love is not about works because we could never do enough to earn it.   The world cannot understand this because they will always have a hole in their spirit trying to fill it with the things of this world which will never satisfy because the only One that can is the Holy Spirit.  Their fear of rejection is covered with anxiety, toxic relationships, hobbies, drinking… anything that brings temporary happiness when eternal joy and love is waiting with open arms.  There is no fear of being alone or being rejected when you give your life to Christ because there’s love and acceptance from the Creator of the universe and He continually makes and shapes us into his image when we hand it over.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

Our soul finds rest and you can just be.

How can I ever be let down when the Promise Keeper and King of Kings and Lord of Lords always reminds me of His love for me?

I am a child of the one true God… the one true King … the first and the last…

“6 Thus saith the Lord the King of Israel, and his redeemer the Lord of hosts; I am the first, and I am the last; and beside me there is no God. ….Fear ye not, neither be afraid: have not I told thee from that time, and have declared it? ye are even my witnesses. Is there a God beside me? yea, there is no God; I know not any.

9 They that make a graven image are all of them vanity; and their delectable things shall not profit; and they are their own witnesses; they see not, nor know; that they may be ashamed.

10 Who hath formed a god, or molten a graven image that is profitable for nothing?” – Isaiah 44:6;8-10

“BEHOLD, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.” – Isaiah 12:2

I’ve never understood some people’s need to HAVE to be with someone.  They ALWAYS have to be in a relationship no matter how toxic it is.  They’d rather be halfway or badly loved because they cannot handle being on their own.  They don’t know how to deal with the thoughts in their head or themselves at all due to various hurts so they have to be validated through other things… going out, friends, drinking, vacation, work… more work.  They don’t know how to be still.

With Jesus you’re never alone and you can be still and know that He is God.

He has you.  He wants you.  You are loved.  He sees you where you are and is knocking.  Let Him in.  He will never hurt you.  He will never leave or forsake you.  You will be sealed forever and ever.  It’s not a superficial love.  He doesn’t care about things or what you look like or what a mess you think you are.  He makes beauty from the ashes and takes a shattered heart and restores it.

Not a big CS Lewis fan but love this quote by him:

”To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”