I’ve been up and down the last week still trying to figure out the fact that my friend died.
Recaps:
Nothing can steal our joy…
The fact of the matter is he died. It was the day God appointed him to be home. Me asking a billion and a half questions won’t bring him back and I would never want him back here knowing the joy and glory he is experiencing.
It’s not about him dying as much as it is about it ‘rocking the boat’. He wasn’t supposed to die. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. It just wasn’t. Not because we simply didn’t want him to die and would miss him, but because of all the things he’s seen over the years and the miracles he’s talked about and his relationship with God… dying right now wasn’t supposed to happen.
He was going to be healed. He was going to see his miracle. I believed God said I would see a miracle and refuse to give that up.
Was I wrong?
God always teaches me in my garden. Sunshine on a cloudy day. ❤
The grace in all of this (I guess) is a few months ago I stopped reading my bible. I didn’t have a particular reason, but I couldn’t pay attention when I read. Usually, God gives me a subject and I go ALL IN trying to study about it and what He says about it. But, that stopped and it was as if we grew apart. Or quiet. I started listening to sermons (which I used to be against) because I didn’t need a man to teach me. I would use them along with reading, but this time I only listened to them. I was irritated with myself because “what is happening to me?”.
But, then my friend died and I am tearing up my bible. Only my Father can answer my questions.
We believed he would be healed…
We prayed…
If you didn’t answer THIS prayer what good is praying? If you didn’t answer THIS prayer will you ever answer another?
He had been really ill for the last year, but it didn’t matter because God can do ANYTHING in a second.
Where are You? Why didn’t you heal him?? I thought you said… I thought this…
Why do all these people who don’t even care about God get second chances? Why do they get all kinds of good and happiness here while the ones who are faithful are the ones who experience the most pain and trials. They are the ones who lose everything.
This is my flesh speaking, but things I have wrestled with the last week. It hasn’t been pretty, but do you see what happened?
While I don’t understand this situation one thing I know without a doubt is God’s ways are NOT OUR WAYS. He is who He says He is. He is faithful, but we will NEVER be able to figure him out. We think life is going in one direction, but it doesn’t always work out that way.
Let God be true and every man a liar.
Nothing matters except Jesus. He is the only thing that is true and certain in this life. Life ISN’T fair. It’s not. Ask any 3 year old who can’t have ice cream for dinner. But, do you see how God drew me back to Himself? He is the only one who can comfort me. He is the one who has the answers and is teaching me other things while trying to unravel all of my questions and feelings. He is using this to prepare me for something else. He using this to perhaps help others one day when something unfair happens to them.
I want to crawl in my Father’s lap and have HIM teach me. He loves teaching me. He used to teach me all the time and split the seas all the time, but somehow (maybe subconsciously I knew my friend was dying and I stayed away because he wasn’t being healed??) it stopped.
Maybe this was a way of God saying, “I’m so glad you asked. Come to ME. Do not depend on any man.”
“BUT THE ANOINTING WHICH YE HAVE RECEIVED OF HIM ABIDETH IN YOU, AND YE NEED NOT THAT ANY MAN TEACH YOU: BUT AS THE SAME ANOINTING TEACHETH YOU OF ALL THINGS, AND IS TRUTH, AND IS NO LIE, AND EVEN AS IT HATH TAUGHT YOU, YE SHALL ABIDE IN HIM.” – 1 JOHN 2:27
All I know is “ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THOSE WHO LOVE GOD AND ARE THE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE.” – ROMANS 8:28
This, too, shall pass…
“FINALLY, BE YE ALL OF ONE MIND, HAVING COMPASSION ONE OF ANOTHER, LOVE AS BRETHREN, BE PITIFUL, BE COURTEOUS: NOT RENDERING EVIL FOR EVIL, OR RAILING FOR RAILING: BUT CONTRARIWISE BLESSING; KNOWING THAT YE ARE THEREUNTO CALLED, THAT YE SHOULD INHERIT A BLESSING. FOR HE THAT WILL LOVE LIFE, AND SEE GOOD DAYS, LET HIM REFRAIN HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL, AND HIS LIPS THAT THEY SPEAK NO GUILE: LET HIM ESCHEW EVIL, AND DO GOOD; LET HIM SEEK PEACE, AND ENSUE IT. FOR THE EYES OF THE LORD ARE OVER THE RIGHTEOUS, AND HIS EARS ARE OPEN UNTO THEIR PRAYERS: BUT THE FACE OF THE LORD IS AGAINST THEM THAT DO EVIL.
AND WHO IS HE THAT WILL HARM YOU, IF YE BE FOLLOWERS OF THAT WHICH IS GOOD?
BUT AND IF YE SUFFER FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS’ SAKE, HAPPY ARE YE: AND BE NOT AFRAID OF THEIR TERROR, NEITHER BE TROUBLED; BUT SANCTIFY THE LORD GOD IN YOUR HEARTS: AND BE READY ALWAYS TO GIVE AN ANSWER TO EVERY MAN THAT ASKETH YOU A REASON OF THE HOPE THAT IS IN YOU WITH MEEKNESS AND FEAR: HAVING A GOOD CONSCIENCE; THAT, WHEREAS THEY SPEAK EVIL OF YOU, AS OF EVILDOERS, THEY MAY BE ASHAMED THAT FALSELY ACCUSE YOUR GOOD CONVERSATION IN CHRIST.
FOR IT IS BETTER, IF THE WILL OF GOD BE SO, THAT YE SUFFER FOR WELL DOING, THAN FOR EVIL DOING. FOR CHRIST ALSO HATH ONCE SUFFERED FOR SINS, THE JUST FOR THE UNJUST, THAT HE MIGHT BRING US TO GOD, BEING PUT TO DEATH IN THE FLESH, BUT QUICKENED BY THE SPIRIT:
19 BY WHICH ALSO HE WENT AND PREACHED UNTO THE SPIRITS IN PRISON; WHICH SOMETIME WERE DISOBEDIENT, WHEN ONCE THE LONGSUFFERING OF GOD WAITED IN THE DAYS OF NOAH, WHILE THE ARK WAS A PREPARING, WHEREIN FEW, THAT IS, EIGHT SOULS WERE SAVED BY WATER.
THE LIKE FIGURE WHEREUNTO EVEN BAPTISM DOTH ALSO NOW SAVE US (NOT THE PUTTING AWAY OF THE FILTH OF THE FLESH, BUT THE ANSWER OF A GOOD CONSCIENCE TOWARD GOD,) BY THE RESURRECTION OF JESUS CHRIST: WHO IS GONE INTO HEAVEN, AND IS ON THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD; ANGELS AND AUTHORITIES AND POWERS BEING MADE SUBJECT UNTO HIM.” – 1 PETER 3:8-22
Beloved Oath of God 