Last week while living through the post based on real life I had a panic attack and woke up in the middle of the night with chest pains.  I went to work and the chest pains lasted through the morning.

Stop fooling yourself … do you trust God or yourself?

I immediately started praying and reading my Bible.  I listened to worship music and texted friends to pray for me.

That is a direct result of taking my eyes off of Jesus, like Peter, and sinking.  I decided it was a great idea to focus on circumstances instead of trusting God.  I said I trusted Him, but my words and actions stated otherwise for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

I had a visual of Isaiah 40 and 43 and suddenly saw me holding God’s hand.  He said He will never leave or forsake me, but I let go.  I made all these plans assuming they were God’s plans only to have them obliterated and finding out they were MY plans.  They weren’t His.  I questioned everything.  Anxiety comes from uncertainty of the future and a lack of control.  My plans got messed up, but that didn’t mean He didn’t know it was going to happen.  MY plans were destroyed.  He was holding my hand and I let go to wander to what appeared best.  I got lost.

Real lost.

That path seemed so right though and it was, but letting go of my Daddy’s hand assuming He was with me is not the same as trusting where He leads.  I don’t like the unknown.  He promised He would always take care of me and never leave so where was He now?

This was one of the most comforting things and reassuring moments when I texted my cousin who said “I can’t tell you how to let go and sometimes I feel like it’s impossible to be still for me and you are like 🤞🏻with Him.”

(After her suggestion of being hit with tranquilizer darts To help with anxiety…)

It made me laugh out loud because in that moment I did not feel “🤞🏻” with God … I felt like He left me.  I responded that He wanted to be 🤞🏻 with her, too.

(In case it doesn’t show up the image/emoji is two fingers wrapped together.)

The next day was the result of the blog I wrote and in that moment Romans 8 came to life.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.  Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.“ – Romans 8

Nothing can separate us.  Jacob and Peter are two of my favorite bible characters for Jacob literally wrestled with God and Peter had so much zeal with no wisdom.  He came up with so many ideas, but Jesus always rebuked him for it because they were of his intellect and not the Holy Spirit.  But, whom the Lord loves He chastens.

But, if there were no struggle that means God stopped fighting for me.  I am His child and I will never stop being His child.  I am adopted into His family and never have to worry about Him abandoning me.

Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ.

We are heirs with Christ because we are God’s children.  He chastises us out of His love for us and that means He cares and we belong to Him.  We are marked … sealed for eternity.  I never want to be let go or not have Him call me back.

“Surrender: verb
-cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.
-abandon oneself entirely to (a powerful emotion or influence); give in to”

As a Christian I am to surrender.  I made a decision 5.5 years ago that I want Him to be Lord of my life.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  It’s no longer my life.  It’s His life.

I am to take His hand and go where He leads.  I cannot take His hand and pull Him where I want to go… I can’t drag Him into the place I want Him to be.  He is the Father and I am the child.  When that happens I focus on the destination so badly I let go and run to it and wonder how I got so lost.  I get frightened and He waits.  He waits until I cry out like a lost child and He calls me and I hear His voice calling for me.

“Keep holding My hand.”

It’s a life long journey with my Father who wants what is best for me and what He has is wonderful.  He promises to be with me and guide me until He calls me home.  I will finally get to see His face and run to Him like a child runs to their parent they have waited to pick them up.

Life is so much more comforting with the image in mind of holding His hand because there’s safety there.  For we Hope in what we cannot see for what is hope if you can see?  You know you can trust your earthly father (at least I can).  He would never bring me to anything that would cause me harm so why don’t I trust my Heavenly father?  I know I can always call my dad on the phone and he will help me or listen to me and I should feel even more secure with my Heavenly Father.  

Imagining Him holding my hand makes it all better and I don’t want to let go… I want to go where He goes because the paths He leads always have protection.  There may be storms or obstacles but He is my shelter and hiding place.  If God be for me what could stand against?

“Keep holding My hand.”

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.“