First, I’d like to start this post by saying we were spared by both storms. One dissipated and the other moved west of us. It’s extremely incredible and we are all so thankful for us, but sad for the people who are getting impacted. Laura is a huge storm and devastating parts of Louisiana and Texas. We have tropical storm warnings for New Orleans.
Now, for the point of this post which is one lesson working with Brent has taught me is realizing just how much I worry.
I remember one day his dad told me “you know, you and Brent are similar.”
My response was, “I know. That’s why we get along so well. We understand each other’s neuroses.”
He worries. You may think people with Down’s syndrome are always happy and are shining lights, which is true. They are, but in Brent’s case they are also deeply sensitive and emotional people which is what makes them so special and unique. He quickly picks up when I’ve had an off day and “not yourself”. You cannot hide being in a bad mood because it greatly affects him and he won’t be able to move on until we are all happy and excited again. He loveS deeply and is passionate about whatever he is talking about in that moment. He has a joy and truly enjoys the littlest things I, or “normal” people take for granted.
He has an understanding of life that we all long for … faith like a child.
I remember one day in the beginning of quarantine we went to the park. We were walking on the path when he said we should “go this way to the tunnels”. We would be cutting through the golf course and logically I thought “huh?!?”, but because of Brent and adventure agreed. I had no idea where we would end up and the worst that happens they kick us off. We followed to the other side where we did end up exactly on the bridge just on the opposite side of the track! He found ‘the tunnels‘! I was so excited texted his mom and said I would take him on the Appalachian Trail next.
He doesn’t worry about things you and I worry about. He didn’t try to figure out where the tunnels would be… he just said let’s go this way and didn’t worry about where we may end up.
He doesn’t wonder about paying bills or what would happen if he loses his job. He doesn’t stress about chasing the things of this world. He is content being home drawing or hanging out with his family. Singing Islands in the Stream (Every. Day.) is what he looks forward to. And you know what? Even though I’ve heard the same Kenny Rogers songs two million times you can’t help but smile when singing The Gambler or rooting for Tommy in ‘Coward of the County’ when “Tommy stopped and locked the door” in the bar room.
He lives his life happily… Until there’s an event coming up or rain is coming.
He plans his birthday party a year in advance and makes sure to remind you of the Spring prom (that was canceled) and that he is taking three dates. On Tuesday through Thursday he makes sure you know the plans to make brownies on Saturday.
But, the rain.
A few weeks ago, on a blue sky day, he pointed out the clouds. For hours. Now, we live in South Louisiana and have short showers almost every afternoon in the summer. He has handled this quarantine like a champ, but just like all of us, has his quirks too. His world has gotten smaller so he looks at the clouds. It could rain.
“What’s the worst that happens if it rains? Rain is just water.”
But, the clouds.
I said “Brent, why are you worried about the rain? Rain is good. It is how God waters the flowers. He turns the water on and a little while later He turns it off when He says it’s enough.”
But, for hours I heard about the rain and clouds.
We went to Barnes and Noble for a new drawing pad for him and the whole way there he talked about the black clouds. “Do you see them?”
“No, Brent. I’m not looking for the black clouds. I’m not worried about the black clouds.”
We walked next door to Michael’s Craft Store to find a cheaper drawing pad. The sky darkened.
We walked around the store, found his drawing pads, paid, and walked out to the torrential downpour.
We stood outside for a few seconds. In the rain. I stared at him and thought “he was right AGAIN” with a mental face palm.
His worst nightmare was happening.
He looked at me, laughed out loud, and asked “Are you scared?!?”.
Cue internal screaming.
All I could do was laugh back and say, “Are YOU scared?!”
But, I can relate so much to him. How many ‘black clouds’ do I focus on?
Yesterday, in the threat of two hurricanes that did not come directly to us, Brent and I went to the park. It was a sunny, blue sky day with a few clouds. Nothing out of the ordinary. It’s rained more in the last few weeks with no storm threat than when we were on lockdown.
On the way to the park Brent looked out of the window … “clouds”.
But, what happened to my own thoughts? We had been so bombarded with rain news and threats I got focused on the clouds. I didn’t say anything, but wondered if this would be when it rained? He always seems to be right with his child like faith. Would we flood? If it floods how will we get home? Will the car flood? Will we get stuck at the park? How long will it rain? Will we get drenched? What if he gets sick? Should I bring him home? I wonder if it will rain long or by the time we get home we could’ve just been at the park anyway.
So, basically, my brain went just as crazy. And then it started to drizzle.
He said, “Oh no. Rains… we have to stay in the car?”
“What do you want to do, Brent? Go home?”
“What? Why?”
Well. I don’t know. The fact that you’ve had a nervous breakdown about clouds for the last few decades… don’t want to add to the trauma.
I almost did turn around. I turned down a street to go around the block for a huge u turn and realized it was only raining in that one tiny section. It would probably be a light sprinkle if it even rained at all by the park. It wouldn’t last long. It would probably be like every other day and those rains were even worse than this one.
I was anxious about the threat of clouds, potential rain, and what was going on in the news. I wasn’t paying attention to the actual weather that was sunny blue skies with a blanket of white clouds and a few dark patches. I was basing my fear on “what if’s” instead of facts that it hadn’t rained in the last two days with a storm coming right at us.
We went to the park. The worst that happened while there was it would storm and we would get wet. It’s happened before on a daily walk and we hid on someone’s porch to wait it out which Brent always laughs and talks about that day.
We went to the park and sat under the pavilion where they have outdoor concerts. We read a book and played catch.
Sitting there made me realize how stressed I had gotten over something I didn’t even know for sure would happen. How many times do I do that in actual circumstances besides a little rain? How many times have I made a mountain out of a mole hill?
Like Brent stresses over things that, to us, are so trivial and make little sense… how many times has God heard my fears over and over and over? How many times has He shook His head and said “There she goes again. Why are you worried about this?” Or “Don’t you think I know your concerns and circumstances? Why would I put you in any danger? Don’t you trust Me?” Or “Why do you think I don’t want what’s best for you?”
I’m sure this is all summed up in better words found in Matthew 6.
How many times did God hear about my fear of the dentist?! Yikes! If you remember from a previous post after 15 years of avoiding the dentist my teeth were “perfect” and I had no cavities. It was a true miracle.
The point of this post is Jesus gave me a Brent. He gave me someone who is just like me, but so much wiser. He gave me someone who has faith like a child and is filled with joy.
We accidentally sat like twins and it made my heart smile.
Beloved Oath of God 