“To conquer fear, you have to feel the fear and take action anyway. Forget motivation. Just do it. Act your way into feeling, not wait for positive emotions to carry you forward.”

“Recognize that you will spend much of your life making mistakes. If you can take action and keep making mistakes, you gain experience.”

Being a brand new teacher right out of a customer service job, I was the newby in professional development who bought the recommended book while the seasoned teachers looked bored to tears and ate their candies.

The book is called ‘Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes Into Stepping Stones for Success’ by John C. Maxwell and perfectly describes me. Ha! However, I didn’t want to read the book just because someone told me to for job improvement, but it sounded like something I really could apply in my life whether or not teaching becomes my career or not.

“Are some people born to achieve anything they want while others struggle? Call them lucky, blessed, or possessors of the Midas touch. What is the real reason for their success? Is it family background, wealth, greater opportunities, high morals, an easy childhood?

New York Times best-selling author John C. Maxwell has the answer: The difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to failure.

Most people are never prepared to deal with failure. Maxwell says that if you are like him, coming out of school, you feared it, misunderstood it, and ran away from it. But Maxwell has learned to make failure his friend, and he can teach you to do the same.

“I want to help you learn how to confidently look the prospect of failure in the eye and move forward anyway,” says Maxwell. “Because in life, the question is not if you will have problems, but how you are going to deal with them. Stop failing backward and start failing forward!”

I am thirty two and a half now and wasted the first twenty-five years of my life living in regret, looking back, and dwelling on the ‘whys’, which is the reason I need a Savior so badly. Jesus wanted ALL of me, the darkest parts, and has taken my failures, doubts, and fears and turned them into opportunity and testimony. He has refined and polished me into His image and will continue to do so until the day He takes me home with Him. I have been consumed by fear my entire life, and seven years ago decided I couldn’t live that way anymore. Fear could not have one more second of my time. It’s been seven years of mentally swimming through mud and battling to get to the other side. It’s been messy, ugly, let-me-stab-my-eye out hard, and that’s because the war is in our minds (Ephesians 6). Once we understand that Satan’s purpose is to control our minds, the game becomes simple. Through Jesus Christ, we can overcome by the Holy Spirit’s power because we have His spirit living inside of us.

“FOR THOUGH WE WALK IN THE FLESH, WE DO NOT WAR AFTER THE FLESH: (FOR THE WEAPONS OF OUR WARFARE ARE NOT CARNAL, BUT MIGHTY THROUGH GOD TO THE PULLING DOWN OF STRONG HOLDS;) CASTING DOWN IMAGINATIONS, AND EVERY HIGH THING THAT EXALTETH ITSELF AGAINST THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOD, AND BRINGING INTO CAPTIVITY EVERY THOUGHT TO THE OBEDIENCE OF CHRIST; AND HAVING IN A READINESS TO REVENGE ALL DISOBEDIENCE, WHEN YOUR OBEDIENCE IS FULFILLED.”

– 2 CORINTHIANS 10:4-6

“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.” – Bruce Lee

This quote makes much more sense to me now because one thing I have always wanted to do is learn self-defense.

“You know all those things you’ve always wanted to do? You should go do them.” is another quote I love.

I am sure you’ll be shocked to hear this (spoken sarcastically), but I have never physically fought anyone ever in my life. I have never been punched in the face, and one thing I have learned about myself is that when I get scared, I become paralyzed. It’s only by the grace of God I’ve made it this far in my life. When I was planning to move to Washington state, it was the perfect motivation to learn to defend myself in some way finally, so in February I signed up with one of the trainers from my old job who opened his own gym. He’s an AWESOME trainer, and I told him last week I finally figured out how to describe him: he is very Mr. Miyagi-like. (On another note, I don’t know how it took so long, but I watched the first two original ‘Karate Kid’ movies for the first time last week while allergies kicked my butt. It’s now my new favorite movie.)

Learning self-defense is something completely BRAND NEW to me. Learning how to punch and kick, learning how to “slip the jab” and throw a hook are things I do not do in my regular baking/gardening/’dinosaur dance with pre-k kids’ life. I bought a small punching bag, and while my form is cringy, it shows improvement (so I’ve been told). It has been ten weeks, and I have no idea how Rene deals with it so patiently, except he’s just that awesome. I mean, guys, I’m terrified of being punched and also don’t like punching others.  

So many face-palms.

About a month ago, I watched a video of a martial arts instructor helping a little boy, and I found the link and added it here: Must Watch.. Teaching Our boys “It’s Okay to Cry” (External YouTube link). It was such a heartwarming video of a man teaching his student it’s ok to feel nervous and allowed him to express his feelings. He did not make him “man up” and stop him from emoting, but instead allowed him to be aware of them and work through them. The little boy was safe and free to feel and then readjust his mind. After, he was able to focus and do what he was supposed. He was told it’s ok to feel nervous, but don’t let it control you. We still have to do what we are supposed to do. I re-watched the video last night to be sure it was the right one before posting, and watched several others. He teaches young boys martial arts while also applying scripture to life. I was so amazed and recommend watching it. 🙂

After 32 years of being alive, I had the realization that anxiety is not reality. It took me 32 years and a simple video on Facebook to see it. This short video of a man helping his student honestly changed my outlook on everything in general and taught me because we are all that little boy.

It’s taken me about ten weeks, and while my fighting skills put bluntly, suck, and only Jesus can help me in a situation I hope never comes, today I saw progress. While having to REDO something I messed up (again), I had a breakthrough and said, “But, I would like to point out the progress: I’m not terrified. It’s little things.” He agreed and said, “You’re also not as hesitant.”

I texted a friend this afternoon and said I’m not a quitter, but the more I go (to class), the more I wonder why and if I’m wasting my money. Clearly, God has protected me my whole life, and I need to work on cardio to run away.

Her response was that of grace and responded, “Because He wants you to let go of the fear.”

I have a long way to go and will never be Ronda Rousey, but I’ve prayed to be delivered from fear, and God is breaking those walls downs in ways I never imagined… like taking a self-defense class.

Try new things. Do the things you suck at. You’re going to fail, but fail forward.

Don’t let fear rob you of anything else. It had enough of you long enough.