Last week I wrote that I missed the first week of school because of a Covid exposure. Being in quarantine at home gave me time to do many Pinterest projects for my class and paint a cabinet I bought from the thrift store. I am also extremely grateful to report my family, who was sick, is healthy.

With that said, if it were not for the fact that I KNOW God gave me this job, I would have quit. Maybe that is extreme, but on Monday, I questioned my whole life and could not believe the rash decision I made of calling in, going to an interview, and quitting my job in a matter of a few hours.

Two adults. Four babies between the ages of four and six months. When I finally thought we got in some rhythm, we added a fifth baby. I have been going to sleep at seven o’clock if I make it that long.

To say I had a bit of a shock to my system does not begin to scratch the surface. I survived my first week and have learned so much by trial by fire. I am not a mom, and I always wondered what kind of mother I would be and if I could handle it. This week I realized nobody knows what they are doing. Everyone is guessing. My coworker and I had a three-alarm to find a baby’s pacifier. She was not crying yet, but it was an emergency. Two grown adults on their hands and knees with the flashlight on my phone scanning the room for a pink pacifier. The thought makes me laugh.

My aunt said, “Hang in there. God put you there for a reason,” and I could not stop crying.

“I DON’T KNOW THE REASON!” except to possibly prepare me for the next season of life.

I changed my first boy dirty diaper this week and felt like it needs to be documented somewhere. Somehow I picked up two babies at once and fed them at the same time. I’ve done things I never imagined possible because “I was never that person”, but when in a room with five crying infants, you learn to survive. A room of infants that is quiet makes you feel like you’ve conquered the world. When this happens my coworker and I flex our biceps and mouth “YES!”

With all that said, I love them.

They’re so cute and dependent on us as their caregivers. They are so innocent and pure, and I love how God uses the weakest and most vulnerable to teach us most about Him. He wants US totally dependent on Him. We cannot move without Him. He is our provider: He clothes us and feeds us. He wants to love and comfort us just like my babies need to be loved and comforted. We try so hard to stay busy and strive for excellence when He says, “Uh uh. You need to calm down! Why you fussing??”

My coworker said she thinks one favors me because of my dark hair and must resemble his mom. I do not know, but he’s my little buddy. They’re all so squishy and cuddly, and what an honor it is that God put me here to love them.

Of course, every job I’ve had is one I said I would never do.

“I’m never taking care of anyone ever again,” and then I became Brent’s PCA.

“I’ll never work with kids,” and then I became a pre-k assistant.

“I’ll never work in a nursery,” and now I work in the infant room.

I have learned that to say ‘you’ll never’ is postponing God’s will for your life. By saying “I’m not that person” or “I’ll never” was delaying God’s purpose, and I was miserable. I saw a quote recently that said, “Doubt isn’t the opposite of faith. Control is.” and isn’t that the truth? As Christians we surrender our lives and have absolutely no control over it anymore. How can you surrender to God AND “control your destiny” at the same time?

Why would you want to?

His ways and plans are better.

I am so thankful today is Friday, and I can sleep in tomorrow. I am also thankful to have remembered the Australian children singing group “The Wiggles”. 🙂

I don’t know what God is doing, but I know it will be good.