Not that procreating.
The driver’s seat of this semi truck is coffee talk with Jesus every day. Alone for hours with one’s thoughts daily is a sure way to become self-aware and either go crazy or repent.
I’ve been thinking lately of how so much of my life was filled with so much anxiety and unfulfillment. Was it my environment? Was it me? I noticed one was that exercise was a major form of how I dealt with my anxiety and I cannot do that anymore. If I was agitated I could go run it off or ride my bike. Now, I am stuck and have to deal with things mentally, I guess. I can no longer “run from my problems”. One of my other biggest fears was losing my dad as if not leaving home controlled how long he would be here. I think taking that leap has helped me as well and it was not until typing that out that I realized that.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. – Proverbs 13:12
To an outsider, having Ryan in my life is what has fixed it, but I will say more on that in a bit. A lot has happened since getting married and I’ve challenged myself and experienced so much in a short time, but that metaphor of not letting any water in the boat (stress) is true. Ryan and I have learned about twenty years of each other and how to work together in such a concentrated form via team driving. I know I’ve grown so much as a person as well. While we cannot be boastful, I am humbly proud of myself for trying new and challenging things and not letting fear control me. This may be the most significant lesson yet, and the reason I feel so different. God continues to chip away at me and I am not who I was, and I am so thankful.
“Wait until the honeymoon phase is over.” We live in a box, and Ryan taught me to drive a semi. Was there ever a honeymoon phase??? I am not ready to share the trauma stories on the blog yet. haha!!
We don’t get told that phrase often, and I assume it is because of what we are doing as much as people tried ruling my life before nobody dares to say that when they say, “I could never do that” instead.
Why do people feel it is necessary to say that curse/challenge anyway? “Just wait”. Of course, life will have challenges and trials, but I am so thankful to have Ryan alongside me. A couple of posts talked about my best friend losing her brand new husband, which shook me up, realizing nothing in life is guaranteed and how fleeting it can be. Ryan is my best friend and answered prayer, and I love our little life together, but we do quesiton being out here sometimes away from our families. I prayed so long for a future husband and essentially for our current life that I sometimes wonder how it is true and fear it ending. It is almost too good to be true, and I am so thankful for this season, as I feel like I wrestled my whole life for it.
It can be taken away or changed so fast, and I selfishly do not want that to happen. Seeing others live through their trials makes you take less for granted, and it truly makes Ryan and I appreciate each other and work together faster. His young cousin passed away from cancer last September, which was another catalyst in our respectful teamwork trucking married life.
I’ve also realized the truck is a bubble away from the world. There is no one nagging me all day about what I should do with my life or the constant opinions about my life from miserable people who hate theirs. No customers complain to me all day, nor do I have to compete with coworkers for sales. There is no school system to stress me out or be responsible for other people’s children. There is no caregiving here except for making my husband coffee or a sandwich. For the first time in my life, I am also away from home, and I get to be in my own space with my husband. My husband. A gift from God who loves me so well and helped me work through my anxiety simply by being himself and believing in me. He never makes fun of me for not knowing how to do something and only encourages me to learn and try new things. Even after initially meeting Ryan, I had anxiety about a job and what I would do with my life. Now, I do not have to worry about a job or career or be long-distance. Since we are a true team on this expedited account, we work our shifts and see each other at the exchanges, but we do get to eat a meal together and know where each other is. I have thought so much about previous seasons and how miserable I was, trying to figure out why.
The truck has also made me appreciate so much that I realize I took it for granted, such as a kitchen and spending time with my friends and family. I have thought of how much I needlessly isolated myself. Caregiving does isolate you, but I’ve realized just how much I have changed since then, and it’s because this truck does not give the option for isolation. Working more than one job strains one’s relationships, and now that we work here, I genuinely enjoy being home. There is no 9-5 job stress, and we can have a week off doing whatever we want. I no longer have to rush to cook for the week on Sunday and get whatever I want done in two days. With this job comes more freedom, so if I want to have lunch with a friend or do an activity, I can do it! I do not have to stress about money so much, and I have the freedom to enjoy life when I have never had it before.
When we visit Louisiana, I pack as many visits with friends or family as possible and do all the things we can that we cannot do in the truck. I love cooking, and since we still share a home with my dad, aunt, and uncle, I bought another refrigerator/freezer for the garage to store our stuff when we go home. I get to cook, and Ryan vacuum seals so we can store meals in the freezer for convenience.
I have always been fascinated with homesteading/cooking/food stocking and married someone with similar interest. We have also recently become interested in pressure canning, and Ryan bought an All-American pressure canner. So far we have canned plain chicken (as our first experiment) and beef stew. We tried the chicken last time we went home and I used it in tacos! We have not tried the beef stew yet, but took a jar with us in the truck to see how it does on the road. It is still here and sealed, and we are waiting to eat it when we are near a hospital. I kid, I kid!
We will be out until late October, and I have so many cooking dreams and projects building up. I’ve been obsessively listening to canning instructional videos and keeping my to-do list in order. I spent a day with my two cousins cooking our grandma’s spaghetti gravy during our last home time, which was SO FUN and much needed. I am too intimidated to cook it by myself, and since it’s the precious family jewels, I had too much pressure to get it right. However, I am hoping to cook it successfully when we go home in October and am hoping to invite my dad’s big Italian family over. The last time I did that was when we went home in March, around our anniversary. I ordered (entirely too much) pizza, and everyone thought there was a pregnancy announcement. It was then I really realized I needed to keep in touch with people more since inviting people over was so foreign. This last time, I invited a friend to walk with me, and she also thought I would tell her I was pregnant. NO!
“No. I just missed you.”. It’s the truck. It makes me want to throw an entire dinner party for everyone I have ever met. Until then, I’ll gladly practice my cooking with my dad and Ryan, and we will eat on fancy white Amazon plastic plates.
All I do while driving down the road is plan meals. It keeps me occupied. Because of this, I started a new Instagram page where I can talk about food without being annoying, and it gives me something to do here. haha. I realized this blog started as a food blog, but it turned into something better. 🙂
Instagram: @Home_Thyme_Eats
With all that said, I am so thankful for this season of life. We are finally getting into a routine in the truck and I am mentally free enough to my dear friend, my blog, and try to navigate my thoughts. There are so many mental file cabinets filled waiting to be sort out.
Ryan is the sweetest and bought me an iPad. I love doing crafts at home and over time have wrestled with bringing markers and paper in the truck, but it just would not work. He bought the iPad and extra keyboard attachment which is how I am writing this. He also downloaded a drawing app for me which I ignored for a while until HE was drawing on it using a tutorial. I immediately took it over and became obsessed. When we visited his mom I was stuck in bed with vertigo for a week (what a story!) and the only thing I could do was draw on the iPad. It was almost a problem and extreme obsession.
Art with Flo and James Julier are the amazing artists I followed along with on YouTube to create these paintings. The cartoon looking ones are Flo and the more realistic looking paintings are James. They have excellent step by step instructions that are easy to follow along with. If I can do it you can too. I loved it so much. I don’t have as much as time in the truck to paint as much as I love it, but it’s so fun. Procreate is the app I used for drawing. The storefront one is my favorite as I’ve been wanting to do watercolor in real life. It also reminded me of Magazine street in New Orleans (if only they had a real Fall!). I signed up for her Patreon for the second part of the painting to complete it, of course. The jar one was cool and took me 6 hours. I did that on one of our 34 hour resets. Ryan has the fish as his phone background. 🙂 ❤
I am thankful for our day off and my ability to try and share some stories again or work through some thoughts.
“Happy trucking”
Beloved Oath of God 