I saw a WordPress writing prompt asking, “What do you listen to at work?”. I wrote an entire post, but the app deleted it.

After I put the matches down, I decided maybe it wasn’t meant to be shared that way, so I gave it a do-over. Here is round two, which is entirely different from before… because… A.D.D.

My initial thoughts on what I listen to at work: “Wait. Do people listen to things besides their thoughts bouncing off their skull like a professional ping pong competition? Or is it more like one of those pinball machines with all the zings shooting thoughts to the other side with every electric shock?”

Life on the road means hours of alone time. For years, I craved it, and it could be highly peaceful to some, but a war zone if you are like me. As an overthinker, I can split an argument or event from 39 years ago into a 9,000-part series divided into thirds. I was not even alive 39 years ago.

This is why the Bible talks about controlling our thoughts and having them solely on Him. Think on things that are pure, good, and righteous.

Anyway, besides driving myself nuts with my own insanity, I’ve listened to a variety of things as I certainly have the time to do so. I try to listen to things of substance to keep my mind from rotting, but I also wrestle with anxiety from what I listen to. You’d think I spent hours listening to crime podcasts, but it is far worse, and it rhymes with Mave Yamsey.

That is right. I had to ban myself from listening to Dave Ramsey because I would listen to him for hours and had gotten so stressed about debt I didn’t have. Haha! “We can’t buy plants! We have to save that penny for retirement!” When we went to my dad’s house, I asked neighbors for retirement advice, and one suggested I listen to stand-up comedians. Nate Bergatze for the win.

I had to force myself to turn off the financial advice, but it’s tempting. Finances intrigue me so much, and as complicated as one can make them, it is relatively simple: spend less than you make. I feel like I am so behind in life (which is a lie because I’m right where I’m supposed to be), and I try to stay focused on our goals. It’ll start with one financial podcast that turns into two, and before you know it, I am emailing Dave Ramsey about a boat I don’t even want to buy. Just kidding, but can we buy this extra bag of Popcorners or are we over budget?

I went through a Mike Rowe phase and loved it. I enjoyed listening to regular people doing incredible things. It truly was inspiring to hear about the quiet backbone of America. My favorite shows were his chats with his mom, which are an absolute riot! His parents live in a retirement home in the North East, and his mom’s storytelling skills, paired with her daily adventures and the family dynamic banter, are an absolute scream. However, my Mike Rowe phase didn’t last long because it made me irrational about being in this truck and what I wasn’t doing with my life. I listened to so many of his guests doing extraordinary things and wondered where I am. I know. I know. Moving on.

I have gone down various biblical rabbit holes, including Esther, which led to the history of the Persian empire and spiraled about who the king in Esther was. Also, was Queen Vashti rebellious, or was the king an egotistical maniac?Also, I should tell one of my former history teachers that being a trucker finally led to caring about various historical empires.

While I had massive anxiety about my life via Dave Ramsey and Mike Rowe, I finally landed on Michael Buble. Yes. There was a period where I did nothing except listen to the pop crooner. Trying to explain how I curbed my mental breakdown listening to Michael Buble for my eleven-hour shift was hilarious. Hey. It worked.

I told Ryan I was turning into Nell a few weeks ago and had to explain the Jodie Foster reference. “I’m a tay in a wane.” 

I sit alone all day and started having trouble completing thoughts and sentences, so I started trying to call more people on the phone, as someone who avoided the phone in this truck makes me long for it. I mostly talk to my dad, Ryan’s mom, and Ryan’s 92-year-old grandma, who is my bestie. I call various other friends or family members occasionally, but those three are such an asset.

A few days ago my friend texted, “I’m loving all the positive texts of good things! It’s what you guys need!”

My response? “I literally give credit to God, and Jesus, that’s the only thing that is different.”

I started listening to Christian podcasts and more of the Bible. I know, shocking that my overall joy has increased and worry has lessened. One of my cousins texted me, mentioning she needed to get back into the word, which was an answered prayer for me because we became accountability and prayer partners. She asked me where to start reading, and I said “the gospels”, so I started listening to the gospels. Then, I started listening to Timothy and more of Paul’s letters. Right now I’m in Romans.

How fast the world can creep in and steal your joy is amazing. As Christians, we are to put on the armor of God. I know I wasn’t a joy living with chronic anxiety about everything! “am I enough? What do I do? What will our future hold? Where will we go and where will we live?”

I do not know, but God does. It’s fun to think about where we will settle down one day and my main prayer is doing what God calls us to do and going where He calls us to go.

I still listen to all the other stuff, but with a grain of salt. I need more of Him and less of the world. Well, I am off to look up more recipes to cook for our home time coming up!

I am trying to challenge myself to write more and purge my thoughts as another mental exercise.