What a week.

So much could be said about the state of the world and the horrific events that have occurred in our country alone. The absolute evil that exists and the cheering alongside of it can be debilitating. Most of America and I have felt so much sadness this past week. I mourned a man I do not know and had many questions about why. I guess it is as simple as it was a kind man who was violently and publicly silenced for having similar beliefs as mine and a lot of the population. He cheered for free speech, the great of America, and being pro God and family. 

However, whatever I say has already been said or felt. It would just be another drop in the bucket and just another post.

Meanwhile, just last week, before the catastrophic moment, Ryan and I had an attitude shift in this truck. Before, we were in the truck working for our future and could not wait to go home. After being in here for two years now, instead of adventure, it became “when are we out of this truck?” The truck became a prison. It became a torture chamber reflecting all the things we could not do because we were trapped. But, trapped by what? It’s easy to look at everything you do not have when stuck in a tiny box without a toilet. However, what don’t we have? This job may be difficult, but we have a roof over our heads, hardly any bills, and we get to work together. We can cook here, which is invaluable, and always have air conditioning and A/C. We do not have to be long-distance or have the struggles of a wife raising children alone while her husband is on the road. 

Living in the box has not changed, but what has changed is my appreciation of this job. I was stressed out, torn between this job and wanting a “normal life.” After all, our last stretch was here for three months, and before that, we had our vacation, which means we did not have a “home time.” There was a lot to do and family to visit.

It started getting difficult, and the thought of “six more years” in the truck seemed daunting.

However, just this week, there was a shift. It no longer felt daunting. I realized the gift that this season is. Yes, we are working hard, and it can be exhausting, and it seems like all we do is work. However, this is the “best” and most carefree season we could have. We do not have the white picket fence; we are just building a life together. I have learned to spend less time on social media because even if you do not intend to compare your life with others, seeing it all the time can weigh on you—the highlights. Living on the road is the easiest way to see both families living in separate states. The logistics of taking off from two jobs and trying to coordinate PTO would be so difficult compared to what is going on now. Plus, we get two weeks OFF, which is incredible. Before this job and meeting Ryan, I worked two jobs and never had time for anything. Now, when we are off, we are TRULY off. Also, I have learned I just like being “off”. Haha. Reality is I will not be spending my time in a baby pool making tropical drinks every day if I was in a “normal” job.

There is a season for everything, and sometimes it’s hard to see past the “hard”. Things happen in life that put things in perspective. Right now, I am so thankful for my little family and the life God has given us. We made choices, and I would never take them back. We will never get this season back. Now is our pruning season. Sitting in that front seat for hours daily can make or break a person. I get to listen to the Bible and build my relationship with Christ. I get to work closely with my husband instead of working 9-to-5s and barely seeing each other except on the weekends.

I don’t like talking about this because everyone immediately just says to quit, get off the road, and go home. That is not what I’m saying. Ryan’s mom and my dad are two of the most supportive people, knowing they no longer have to take care of us. It cracks me up, and I joke because they both say, “Everything is hard. You are doing a great job. Stay in the truck.”

I guess I am venting, but also appreciative. I hope this post is more thankful than it seems to be complaining because I sure am grateful for this life. I love that I can afford to buy food to cook for my family when we go home. This last time, I dreamed of lobster rolls and was able to make them along with key lime pie. It was such a treat.

This is a sweet season, and I am not taking it for granted. I am choosing joy. Looking back on our lives, we will say, “I can’t believe we did that,” and “those were the best days.” I do not want to wait until then. I love our adventures. I prayed for it, and I cannot believe we get to do this. It is such a dream come true. Looking at your blessings and what you have instead of what you do not is where gratefulness lies. Waking up every day and getting to tour this beautiful country is the most unbelievable and humbling experience.

Life is so short and precious, and the only thing that matters is knowing Jesus.

For this time out, my goal is to have ”Fun”. I’ve been more mindful of everything and intentional in reading or doing. Since this job is so taxing, it takes much effort to go outside and walk around, but I have been forcing myself to jump rope on my breaks. I listen to the Bible daily and read something for fun before and after my shifts. I’m on the second book in John Grisham’s “Camino” series. This truck really made me want to be on a beach, so I’ve been listening to or reading books set there. Haha

I love this life God has given us, and I can’t believe I get to be married to Ryan. He is the best husband for me, and I’ll never get over that gift. I am so thankful for God’s grace and that his mercies are new daily. We do not deserve his love at all. I know I don’t. 

I don’t know how I was gifted such a wonderful man. Our third wedding anniversary is this upcoming March, and we met in September 2021. I still can’t believe I get to spend my life with him. It’s as if I wrote a list and he is the physical form of it. He is my heart’s desire, and I will romanticize my life. I love getting to serve my husband by getting him coffee and cooking meals. I prayed for these days.