“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,²⁴ since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” – Colossians 3

This job can be very stressful and challenging at times. At the same time, it is an adventure; we are not out here living in the lap of luxury. It involves long hours, being away from our families, and too many days between showers.

With all that said, I love getting to work. I truly do. Years ago, before getting saved, I locked myself in the house after my mom died for years. Maybe not intentionally, and I did not know what I was doing, but I figured nobody could get hurt if nobody left the house. I felt a sense of control, but the reality is I obviously lost total control and was deeply depressed.

All that is to say, it is incredible how God works and shows you the physical before the spiritual. I turned to exercise. My aunt bought me a gym membership and only used it so as not to waste her money. She and my uncle were trying to get me to do SOMETHING. So, I did. After a while, I started on the elliptical machine and tried a spin class. After the class, I ran with a friend for a mile. I did not know or intend to build my stamina, but I had never run a mile before and did not know I could do that. 

That was a turning point.

I became obsessed, and I challenged myself: “What else can I do?!”

After that mile, I signed up for a half-marathon. I trained to be able to do unassisted pull-ups. The limit did not exist. I was not in the Olympics, but it was a big deal for me. I’d run another half-marathon to beat that previous time; I did another one the following year. 

Meanwhile, I was creating discipline and a work ethic within my life, and I wanted to be the exact opposite of that pathetic, depressed person. I hated her. I wanted nothing to do with her.

I got a job at that gym simply because I already knew everyone, and I did it because I wanted to go to Ireland. I had a goal—one year. In order to go to Ireland, I had to get out of the house. I started making myself do things that made me uncomfortable, but it would be the same as a solo trip to Ireland. I brought myself on “dates” alone and learned to be alone. I went to a bar (one time!) and did not have to do that again 😂.

I also never missed work. I did not make much money, but integrity is doing any job you are given to the best of your ability. You act and show up every day. It was also all I had at the time.

Anyway, I enjoyed the customers and was there for eight years. It’s incredible what God can do. After that, He moved me to the school system. I worked in pre-k and then moved to a daycare with the infants. While I enjoyed it, I was also stressed every single day. However, I showed up and never missed a day of work.

Flash forward to this job. I am so blessed with this opportunity and will never get over getting to travel with my husband. I married someone with an even stronger work ethic, which is intense. Ha

Anyway, a few months ago, it became too much. We were tired, and I almost quit. Well, I have almost quit a few times, but I am too stubborn. We both have goals and know the weight of losing this opportunity, so we keep pressing on.

Everything is hard. Being poor and working two jobs is hard.

This. This is it.

But I realized that when the loss of this job and opportunity was threatened, I completely panicked.

What would I do? I wrapped up my worth in a work ethic. If I didn’t work, it means I have failed. What would I bring to the table if I didn’t work? Would people respect me? Would my husband still love me and want to be with me?

This was all insanity, but God showed me where I put my worth and identity: working. I was striving. I was motivated because I hated my old self so much that I was out to prove her wrong. I wanted her gone forever. She would never return. I realized I would never be good enough for me.

I confessed all this to Ryan; of course, he was like “what?”.

Also, I realized how much I would miss the road if I went home. It was always an option, but I’m also so driven to complete our goal that it is not. This trucking season is just that… it’s a season. We have a few short years; honestly, I think this is the best of the years. We got married and lived in a tiny box together. This is where we have developed our relationship and marriage. We’ve chosen the intense married life and truly are a team.

Now, Ryan and I have made a pact. We know this job is challenging, but it’s also as difficult as we make it. It’s only for a short time, and I don’t want to take it for granted. One day, we will look back on these days and wonder how we did it. We know and give credit to God for this opportunity and season. I am so thankful to be able to help people, as that is what I’ve always prayed to do. We aren’t millionaires by any means, but I am thankful to give when possible. I’ve also always dreamed of cooking for my family, and I love that we get to go home, we genuinely are OFF, and can enjoy it. I love getting to cook meals and having everyone eat together.

I am thankful for our intense work ethic and for being married to someone with the same mindset. I am also thankful for my husband for loving me in the most beautiful ways and reassuring me that he would love me if I were not on the truck. My worth isn’t because I am working. My worth and identity are in Jesus Christ, who died for my sins and is forever working on me.

And I am so grateful.

This post was inspired by the writing prompt “In what ways does hard work make you fulfilled”.