I don’t know how this blog turned into what it is.  I wasn’t sure what I would do with it when I started honestly.  For whatever reason I just like baking and taking pictures of food.  I don’t think I’m interesting so I didn’t know what I would write about and I don’t like doing things without a purpose behind them.  I’m not a ‘writer’ so what a crazy challenge that would be.  But, the truth is God makes my life exciting.  It’s an adventure following Him and it’s never boring.  Is it exciting to everyone?  No.  Will everyone understand?  Not a bit.  To some it probably sounds insane and that I need to leave my house.  But, He changed my life and I can never be the same.  When someone rescues you it’s like you can’t help but shout out the story.  You can’t help but tell the story of what that person has done for you and how you were crippled with fear, but now you’re free!  I have found that new life and can’t stop talking.  I used to hold everything in and worry what people would think.  I never wanted anyone to know what I was going through.  But, now I see that God uses our mess and there is no reason to hold it in anymore.  I can’t be ashamed because I’ve been delivered from it all.  I can only keep growing in my relationship with Jesus.  His will will happen.

“HEAVEN AND EARTH SHALL PASS AWAY, BUT MY WORDS SHALL NOT PASS AWAY.”
– MATTHEW 24:35

Nothing I try to hold onto can change that.  Things will come.  Things will go.  Jesus stays and is always there for me.

This blog is for me and through some encouraging friends have hesitantly shared it.

While not everyone has the same struggles there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9).

For the longest time I had this constant battle to not be who I used to be and was doing so under my own strength.  I didn’t realize or understand I already was a new creature because God said so.  When you accept Christ you automatically are a new creature because you belong to Him and He changed your heart.  You’re literally not the same.  Your heart longs for Him and not the things of this world.  I lived in fear for so long that any time something came up my initial reaction was “Would the old me be afraid?  Then, do it.”  I had to beat her.  I hated her.  I didn’t want anything to do with that person.  She was worthless and wasted so much time.  She was filled with regret and shame and fear and let everything overwhelm her.  She was racing something she would never be able to outrun: herself..  It began with literally running a half marathon and fitness quest that had me doing things I never imagined I could do.  What started as physically reaching goals became spiritual.  That’s a whole different post.  My cousin’s husband suggested since I had started running to run a half marathon.
“I haven’t ran more than 2 miles in my life.”
“You could do it.”

Challenge: Accepted

Clearly, I’m easily persuaded.

One of the best journeys of knocking down those mental barriers that could have ever happened to me.  Fitness is You vs You.  You have total control over how fast you go and how far you go.  It’s all up to you.  Nobody else.

If you can think of any girl anxiety I had it: Control issues with food which turned into fitness as a healthier outlet.  Self protection from relationships of any kind.

God was watching and had His hand on me though.  God saw the running.  He saw the hatred and control and said, “But, I love you.  Let go.”  Over time I have learned to love and forgive that girl because He forgave me.  It’s only because He loves that I can love.  If it were up to me I’d still be running and never finding that one thing to satisfy, but He chose and called me.  I wonder if I would’ve run that marathon I wanted to run?  I don’t know, but one thing is for sure…I can judge my mental state by currently trying to exercise like I used to.  Scratch that…even thinking of exercising like I used to.  I’m good.  I have no desire to beat myself up anymore.

The running didn’t stop.  There always seems to be three parts to a lesson.
The first half marathon was to prove I could do it.
The second was to beat my time.
The third I didn’t even wear a watch.  I didn’t train properly, but couldn’t be a quitter.  It was one of the best runs of my life…beautiful day and I enjoyed it.  To keep me motivated I Facetimed my Ev to cross with me at the finish line!  “The faster you go the sooner you can see Ev!”.  I will never do that again you guys.  The next day I couldn’t get out of my bed and then had to climb the stairs at work.  Always train.  ALWAYS. TRAIN!!!

He called me out of the darkness. He is the Prince of Peace. When you are saved and accept Jesus the old man cannot be. You are a new creature. The old man is dead and you are resurrected with Christ. Your spirit is alive. You were dead, but now you’re alive.

“FOR WE ARE SAVED BY HOPE: BUT HOPE THAT IS SEEN IS NOT HOPE: FOR WHAT A MAN SEETH, WHY DOTH HE YET HOPE FOR? BUT IF WE HOPE FOR THAT WE SEE NOT, THEN DO WE WITH PATIENCE WAIT FOR IT.  LIKEWISE THE SPIRIT ALSO HELPETH OUR INFIRMITIES: FOR WE KNOW NOT WHAT WE SHOULD PRAY FOR AS WE OUGHT: BUT THE SPIRIT ITSELF MAKETH INTERCESSION FOR US WITH GROANINGS WHICH CANNOT BE UTTERED. AND HE THAT SEARCHETH THE HEARTS KNOWETH WHAT IS THE MIND OF THE SPIRIT, BECAUSE HE MAKETH INTERCESSION FOR THE SAINTS ACCORDING TO THE WILL OF GOD.” – ROMANS 8:25-27

“FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST CONSTRAINETH US; BECAUSE WE THUS JUDGE, THAT IF ONE DIED FOR ALL, THEN WERE ALL DEAD: AND THAT HE DIED FOR ALL, THAT THEY WHICH LIVE SHOULD NOT HENCEFORTH LIVE UNTO THEMSELVES, BUT UNTO HIM WHICH DIED FOR THEM, AND ROSE AGAIN.  WHEREFORE HENCEFORTH KNOW WE NO MAN AFTER THE FLESH: YEA, THOUGH WE HAVE KNOWN CHRIST AFTER THE FLESH, YET NOW HENCEFORTH KNOW WE HIM NO MORE. THEREFORE IF ANY MAN BE IN CHRIST, HE IS A NEW CREATURE: OLD THINGS ARE PASSED AWAY; BEHOLD, ALL THINGS ARE BECOME NEW.” – 2 CORINTHIANS 5:14-17

A half marathon to a solo trip to Ireland.  Oh, the places God will take you.

 

Ireland was freedom.  It was letting go of everything.  It was only the beginning of a brand new season God had for me.  You can read more about that God adventure here.

God always sets us up for the lesson He is about to teach us. He doesn’t send you somewhere without a purpose and preparation season.

When your life is a chaotic mess maybe it’s God preparing you for something.  Maybe it’s a beautiful chaos and in the end you’ll see the lessons and purpose.  At the time it just looks like a big mess, but when the season ends and God opens your eyes… BAM!  It all makes sense.  All of the pieces fall into place and you can clearly see God’s hand in everything.  All of the chaos actually was painting a beautiful picture.

I knew in my mind what God said, but it wasn’t until surrender that my heart fully understood.  God opened my eyes.  Sometimes, God will let us struggle in a trial for as long as we want like the Israelites in the desert.  They saw their current state of bondage and couldn’t see the end.  All of a sudden someone who ruled over them says they’re going to lead them into a promised land and out of Egypt. Trust issues?

What was physical is now spiritual.  What was a physical wandering in the desert is now a spiritual desert.  Jesus is calling us out of the bondage of this world.  He’ll let us wander and cry until we surrender.  He’s an eternal God…He has time.  It’s no longer a fight against flesh and blood but against principalities of the dark ages. We are to put on the armor of God to be equipped for the battle. Stay in His word and lean not on our own understanding.

“FOR WE WRESTLE NOT AGAINST FLESH AND BLOOD, BUT AGAINST PRINCIPALITIES, AGAINST POWERS, AGAINST THE RULERS OF THE DARKNESS OF THIS WORLD, AGAINST SPIRITUAL WICKEDNESS IN HIGH PLACES. WHEREFORE TAKE UNTO YOU THE WHOLE ARMOUR OF GOD, THAT YE MAY BE ABLE TO WITHSTAND IN THE EVIL DAY, AND HAVING DONE ALL, TO STAND. STAND THEREFORE, HAVING YOUR LOINS GIRT ABOUT WITH TRUTH, AND HAVING ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS; AND YOUR FEET SHOD WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; ABOVE ALL, TAKING THE SHIELD OF FAITH, WHEREWITH YE SHALL BE ABLE TO QUENCH ALL THE FIERY DARTS OF THE WICKED. AND TAKE THE HELMET OF SALVATION, AND THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, WHICH IS THE WORD OF GOD: PRAYING ALWAYS WITH ALL PRAYER AND SUPPLICATION IN THE SPIRIT, AND WATCHING THEREUNTO WITH ALL PERSEVERANCE AND SUPPLICATION FOR ALL SAINTS; AND FOR ME, THAT UTTERANCE MAY BE GIVEN UNTO ME, THAT I MAY OPEN MY MOUTH BOLDLY, TO MAKE KNOWN THE MYSTERY OF THE GOSPEL, FOR WHICH I AM AN AMBASSADOR IN BONDS: THAT THEREIN I MAY SPEAK BOLDLY, AS I OUGHT TO SPEAK.” – EPHESIANS 6:12-20

Circumstances come up to prove were we stand. So while I was constantly trying to prove myself and beat the old me God was showing me “it is finished”. The battle is over. You can rest now. Stop warring against yourself. He accepts us as we are but we are not to stay there. When we choose to follow Him He shows us that we are a new creature. Circumstances come up and you are ready to fight because you know deep in your soul  what God rescued you from and that He was the only one there and nobody can ever take Him from you. You are secured. There is rest. There is no more fighting. Satan and his antics thought he won for three days, but little did he know they were defeated at the cross. While there will be trials and tribulations we don’t have to worry.

“AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THEM THAT LOVE GOD, TO THEM WHO ARE THE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. FOR WHOM HE DID FOREKNOW, HE ALSO DID PREDESTINATE TO BE CONFORMED TO THE IMAGE OF HIS SON, THAT HE MIGHT BE THE FIRSTBORN AMONG MANY BRETHREN. MOREOVER WHOM HE DID PREDESTINATE, THEM HE ALSO CALLED: AND WHOM HE CALLED, THEM HE ALSO JUSTIFIED: AND WHOM HE JUSTIFIED, THEM HE ALSO GLORIFIED.  WHAT SHALL WE THEN SAY TO THESE THINGS? IF GOD BE FOR US, WHO CAN BE AGAINST US?  HE THAT SPARED NOT HIS OWN SON, BUT DELIVERED HIM UP FOR US ALL, HOW SHALL HE NOT WITH HIM ALSO FREELY GIVE US ALL THINGS? WHO SHALL LAY ANY THING TO THE CHARGE OF GOD’S ELECT? IT IS GOD THAT JUSTIFIETH. WHO IS HE THAT CONDEMNETH? IT IS CHRIST THAT DIED, YEA RATHER, THAT IS RISEN AGAIN, WHO IS EVEN AT THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD, WHO ALSO MAKETH INTERCESSION FOR US.  WHO SHALL SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF CHRIST? SHALL TRIBULATION, OR DISTRESS, OR PERSECUTION, OR FAMINE, OR NAKEDNESS, OR PERIL, OR SWORD?  AS IT IS WRITTEN, FOR THY SAKE WE ARE KILLED ALL THE DAY LONG; WE ARE ACCOUNTED AS SHEEP FOR THE SLAUGHTER.

NAY, IN ALL THESE THINGS WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS THROUGH HIM THAT LOVED US.

FOR I AM PERSUADED, THAT NEITHER DEATH, NOR LIFE, NOR ANGELS, NOR PRINCIPALITIES, NOR POWERS, NOR THINGS PRESENT, NOR THINGS TO COME, NOR HEIGHT, NOR DEPTH, NOR ANY OTHER CREATURE, SHALL BE ABLE TO SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF GOD, WHICH IS IN CHRIST JESUS OUR LORD.” – ROMANS 8:28-39

Jesus said in this world we will have trouble, but he has overcome the world (John 16:33).  We now have the power of the Holy Spirit. Being alive in Christ means we have His spirit. If we have His spirit which conquered death what is there to be afraid of? Nothing can stand against Him. If He is for us what can stand against?? Nothing.

What may look like defeat is just a step in the journey.  Maybe He’s leveling you up. 😀  What didn’t work out before has left you with wisdom for a future circumstance and ready for the battle.

Everything brings Him glory. We are only sojourners in this life.  What we try to hold onto and stress over is just a lesson and season preparing your heart for things to come. Maybe your current struggle is an example God is using as a witness for someone else.  You never know.

Never underestimate God’s grace and reason for things as his logic rarely makes sense to us.

I could go on and on about the people God has sent into my life.  I am forever grateful. One of the worst times in one of their lives God used for me as an example of how He was there and carried them.  The things I thought I had to give up and would die over God was teaching me to surrender.  You never have to chase the things that are meant to stay in your life.  They compliment your life.  If you have to force anything to stay in your life or stress over whether or not it should be there chances are you’re holding onto something you shouldn’t.  I wouldn’t trade anything I’ve been through for anything in the whole world.  Everything was being used to lead me to Jesus.  Everything that didn’t work out was used for good.  Everything I thought I lost was actually a step closer to surrender.  Jesus is the Good Shepherd and His sheep hear His voice and follow him.

“BUT WHAT THINGS WERE GAIN TO ME, THOSE I COUNTED LOSS FOR CHRIST. YEA DOUBTLESS, AND I COUNT ALL THINGS BUTLOSS FOR THE EXCELLENCY OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF CHRIST JESUS MY LORD: FOR WHOM I HAVE SUFFERED THE LOSS OF ALL THINGS, AND DO COUNT THEM BUT DUNG, THAT I MAY WIN CHRIST, AND BE FOUND IN HIM, NOT HAVING MINE OWN RIGHTEOUSNESS, WHICH IS OF THE LAW, BUT THAT WHICH IS THROUGH THE FAITH OF CHRIST, THE RIGHTEOUSNESS WHICH IS OF GOD BY FAITH: THAT I MAY KNOW HIM, AND THE POWER OF HIS RESURRECTION, AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF HIS SUFFERINGS, BEING MADE CONFORMABLE UNTO HIS DEATH; IF BY ANY MEANS I MIGHT ATTAIN UNTO THE RESURRECTION OF THE DEAD.” – PHILIPPIANS 3:7-11

Since this is a ‘food blog’ here is some biscotti.