How will you grow if you don’t try new things?

“If it scares you it might be a good thing to try”.

One of my favorite books is “Me Before You”.  I read it before it got way popular and way before the movie came out.

What’s funny is I was browsing around Barnes and Noble and picked it up off of the table  simply because of the irony of the title.  It was my Mom’s birthday.  She used to always fuss at me when I would say something like “Me and Jane are doing this…”

“You never put yourself first!”

The title of this book was “Me Before You” and I bought it not knowing anything about it.  Little did I know it would be about the very things I was struggling with at just the right time.  My life was about to do a 180.

One of my favorite quotes from it is:
“You cut yourself off from all sorts of experiences because you tell yourself you are ‘not that sort of person’”
“But, I’m not.”
“How do you know? You’ve done nothing, been nowhere. How do you have the faintest idea what kind of person you are?”

At the time I read the book I was a caregiver struggling with depression and feeling stuck in my life and also feeling guilty about it.  I was living in fear of everything because I had wounds that needed to be healed.  I couldn’t move forward with open wounds, but I was too afraid to face that they were there.

This book was about letting someone in your world and pushing yourself to try new things.

God was about to flip my life upside down.

I won’t get into all of that now as I have already written posts about it:
– A solo trip to Ireland: Adventures in Grace and Overanalyzing Everything
– How I met my best friend: Christian Introvert Struggle
– Desert Seasons: Grand Canyon Trip
– Learning to depend on God: Waiting on God
– Surrendering to His will for my life: God is in the Waiting

You don’t always see the changes God has made in your life in the day to day routines, right?

God has weeded out a lot of friendships in my life as they inhibited my relationships with Him.  They were only going to hold me back from the life He had planned for me because those friendships were carrying the weight of the world which couldn’t go.

Not everyone can go…

I have learned how much I feel like an alien.  Well, Christians are.  You don’t blend in to the world.  You can’t.  You have these new eyes and new heart that see as Christ and no longer want superficial.  You want to dig deeper because you know where true joy can be found and it’s not just vegging out in front of the television or going out on Fridays.

You crave more.

I say all that with the point is you lose fear.

I am an entirely different person and I can’t even imagine living as the old me.  I don’t know if I would be, honestly.

Last night, I tried something new.  It’s so simple in comparison to this post, but the point is how different I am now.

When I was struggling with depression I couldn’t be around people at all.  Depression is crazy and I didn’t even realize I was.  I googled it one day and realized all the symptoms sounded like me.

Anyway, I am thankful for it because I wouldn’t have the faith I have now nor would I have depended so much on Jesus as He was the only One who was there for me at that terrible time.  God has since healed my heart to not be bitter about that, but God also was keeping me t Himself.  He was weeding out my life and setting me up for something else. He was changing my heart and mind to be on Him and not depend on people for comfort or happiness.  He knew that I would run to people instead of Him if others had helped at that time.  I would have focused on the wrong thing.

With all that said there is a new indoor rock climbing place I have been wanting to try.  It seemed to have popped up over night and driving past I would stare in the window like a child looking at a puppy.

I have never done any kind of rock climbing in my life and only have climbed a tree for  the first time a few years ago (I Know I’m sheltered.).

My coworker told me there is free nights once a month and last night was the night for January.

I’d been thinking about going, but also passing it off because “I’m not strong enough.  I’ve never done it.  What if I fall?  My upper body is weak.  What if people judge me.  What if…what if….what if…….”

I texted a friend/former coworker last minute about going and she was so excited, but couldn’t make it last night.  I told her I would wait as I didn’t mind paying the day fee because I figured it would be worth it.  We talked about memberships which had me thinking how dumb it would be to pay a day pass and then on top of that buy a month membership if I liked it.

So, after going back and forth mentally finally just told her I would go alone and try it because it wasn’t about fun anymore….this was research…

Like Clark Griswold said, “This is a quest.  This is a quest for fun!!”

So, I went.  I went by myself.

That may not sound like a big deal, but I used to always be afraid to be alone.

When I was preparing to go to Ireland I DID EVERYTHING ALONE.  I only had to do things once to make myself uncomfortable so that I could get used to adapting.  You can’t wait for anyone to live your life.  You just have to go.  The irony of not doing anything alone is that I also didn’t want to be with people so I just wouldn’t do anything.

(One time I went alone to an opera on accident and left after the second intermission.  It was either that or jump off the balcony.)

Anyway, I went. And I had a blast.

You can’t be afraid to try new things.  What kind of life is that??

“When you turn 90 and look back on your life what will you have wished you did or ate or went …”

That’s how you find out what you really want.  That’s how you find out your passion.

When you are at the end of your rope and have nothing else to lose that is when you truly live.

Thankfully, I also found Jesus at the end of mine and so now I have the most incredible life that will never end.  I get to spend eternity in His presence.  I am His and He is mine.

I also found out I like climbing fake rocks.  Everyone was friendly and none of the scenarios my anxiety came up with happened in reality.

Preparation seasons: Climbing fake rocks may one day bring you on a real mountain adventure. 😀

“Live boldly. Push yourself. Don’t settle.” – Me Before You

“FOR YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED A SPIRIT OF SLAVERY LEADING TO FEAR AGAIN, BUT YOU HAVE RECEIVED A SPIRIT OF ADOPTION AS SONS BY WHICH WE CRY OUT, “ABBA! FATHER!” – ROMANS 8:15