Song of Solomon 3:4

It’s on a lot of wedding cards.
It’s stated in matrimony vows.
It’s written on romantic home decor.

Who doesn’t want to find the one their soul loves?  Humans were made for companionship/relationship and we hear in all the wedding ceremonies the bible verses related to man not being meant to be alone and wives submitting to their husband as the husband submits to Christ.

But.

What does it mean when there seems to be nobody to love your soul?  Does Paul really mean what he said in 1 Corinthians about singleness is better than marriage?  My soul rejoices in Jesus and He is the keeper of my soul.  He is the standard.  There is nobody around that would be a good enough fit to make sure my heart and soul stay that way.  There is no one around to call out my sin and tell me to repent.  There’s nobody to hold me accountable.

For years I have prayed for God to prepare my heart for my future husband.  I want Him to mold me into the godly woman fit for the man He has for me.  I pray to be a true Proverbs 31 woman who laughs without fear of the future and whose husband’s heart trusts.  Four years ago I got saved.  Five years ago began a journey of several people who have refined my heart.  Whether God planned all of them (ONE was the perfect test for me which prompted me to write Waiting on God and God is in the Waiting) or not He worked it all out for good (Romans 8:28) as He always does.

“NOW WE HAVE RECEIVED, NOT THE SPIRIT OF THE WORLD, BUT THE SPIRIT WHICH IS OF GOD; THAT WE MIGHT KNOW THE THINGS THAT ARE FREELY GIVEN TO US OF GOD.

WHICH THINGS ALSO WE SPEAK, NOT IN THE WORDS WHICH MAN’S WISDOM TEACHETH, BUT WHICH THE HOLY GHOST TEACHETH; COMPARING SPIRITUAL THINGS WITH SPIRITUAL.  BUT THE NATURAL MAN RECEIVETH NOT THE THINGS OF THE SPIRIT OF GOD: FOR THEY ARE FOOLISHNESS UNTO HIM: NEITHER CAN HE KNOW THEM, BECAUSE THEY ARE SPIRITUALLY DISCERNED.”
– 1 CORINTHIANS 2:12-14

God knows what it will take for us to surrender.  He is our Father and knows the desires of our hearts.  He knows our idols and casts them down because He is a jealous God and wants ALL of us for Himself.  For years I have prayed for my future husband. I have prayed to be shaped into the woman able to be with what I desire.  Days, weeks, months, years have passed that this person didn’t show up and felt like a knife in the heart.  I was forgotten.  I had to wait for all this time to pass and wipe all the tears that fell while watching everyone except me finding their someone.

But, you know what?

God was preparing me for my husband just like I asked.  He has been preparing me for Himself.  He’s the most loving, beautiful bridegroom that ever could be.

“KNOW YE NOT THAT YE ARE THE TEMPLE OF GOD, AND THAT THE SPIRIT OF GOD DWELLETH IN YOU?  IF ANY MAN DEFILE THE TEMPLE OF GOD, HIM SHALL GOD DESTROY; FOR THE TEMPLE OF GOD IS HOLY, WHICH TEMPLE YE ARE.”
– 1 CORINTHIANS 3:16-17

As Christians if we are called to marriage we can’t be with just anyone and we are the only ones who can make that decision.  We can’t just get what we want or settle for what we see.  Well, we could, but we also reap what we sow and may have to bear the consequences.  We can’t be in union with someone who is a counterfeit.  There are reasons God allows us in situations… maybe to teach us something or let us get hurt so we stop trying to satisfy ourselves and learn to trust Him.  He wants what is best for us.  he knows what is best for us.

“KNOW YE NOT THAT YOUR BODIES ARE THE MEMBERS OF CHRIST? SHALL I THEN TAKE THE MEMBERS OF CHRIST, AND MAKE THEM THE MEMBERS OF AN HARLOT? GOD FORBID.  WHAT? KNOW YE NOT THAT HE WHICH IS JOINED TO AN HARLOT IS ONE BODY? FOR TWO, SAITH HE, SHALL BE ONE FLESH.

BUT HE THAT IS JOINED UNTO THE LORD IS ONE SPIRIT.  FLEE FORNICATION. EVERY SIN THAT A MAN DOETH IS WITHOUT THE BODY; BUT HE THAT COMMITTETH FORNICATION SINNETH AGAINST HIS OWN BODY.  

WHAT? KNOW YE NOT THAT YOUR BODY IS THE TEMPLE OF THE HOLY GHOST WHICH IS IN YOU, WHICH YE HAVE OF GOD, AND YE ARE NOT YOUR OWN?  FOR YE ARE BOUGHT WITH A PRICE: THEREFORE GLORIFY GOD IN YOUR BODY, AND IN YOUR SPIRIT, WHICH ARE GOD’S.”
-1 CORINTHIANS 6:15-20

When I was delivered from bitterness (as written in this post about no longer being a grumpy old man) He freed me from the parts of me that were looking for what could heal those parts of me that were broken.  I am now less sarcastic and defensive because I do not have to be.  He fights for me.  He is my defender.  I only have to put on the full armor of God as I recognize the spiritual war (Ephesians 6) that is EVERYWHERE.  I can now see the traps and lies the devil sets out to steal my joy and happiness.

No more.  I am a child of God and know He wants what is best for me.  He is not punishing me by not giving me what I want.  He is protecting me from what I want for I know my heart is wicked and deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9).  I must stand on His truth and guard my heart.

“THAT YOUR FAITH SHOULD NOT STAND IN THE WISDOM OF MEN, BUT IN THE POWER OF GOD.”
– 1 CORINTHIANS 2:5

“You’ll be an old maid.”
“You’re never going to find a man …”
“Don’t you want to get married?”
“How are you going to find someone…”
“You really need to start dating.”
“You need to do this.”
“You need to do that.”

I don’t celebrate Christmas or holidays so that brings up a whole different level of conversations and marriage.

Why don’t I celebrate?  I explain it here: A Very Merry Un-Christmas

And while we’re on the topic of Christmas it baffles me that people are so stressed out about making sure they have a date to family functions.  Why?  On top of it being one of the loneliest times of the year for many people who do not have families why not make life harder on people at family gatherings and bombard them about their lack of partner.  I’m not sure why we must do that.  The ‘single’ person is the most aware that they are not dating… just in case anyone reading this plans on asking their kin at the dinner table about significant others.

Anyway…

What people are saying is I need to chase the things of the world.  I need to be smarter.  I need another job.  I need a career.  I need to go here.  I need to go there.  I need to be with someone and am missing out because I don’t have it.  I am behind for my age and everyone else has more to give this life.  Nobody ever asks about my relationship with Jesus or what He is teaching me in this season.  The world only sees what it can see.  My faith is in what I cannot see for what is hope in what you can see?.

“God is too busy with other things to worry about my little life.”

When you have the Truth you instantly recognize a lie.  God’s word is truth and the truth will set you free.  Like Hosea and Gomer…. Israel and God… He goes and gets His bride and fights for her.  Jesus loves us through it.  In the running and in the despair He is there longing for surrender.  He has captured my running heart, taught me to stay, and showed me what it means to love with abandon.  There is no fear in real love and the Creator of it loves me and is jealous FOR ME.  He is the One my soul loves.  He is the redeemer and lover of my soul.  He continues to love and fight for me and promises to never forsake me.  I am free.  I have peace and am learning over and over to be content in all things.  I continue to learn that things that were gain to me are counted as loss for the excellency of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

It’s Him and me.  He is my greatest love story.  Forever and always.

What if being single wasn’t a disease?

Christian Introvert Struggle