Anything.

Healing. A new job.  A new start.  A husband.  New friends.  A new house.  A baby.  Anything.  You should want Him above any of those things.

As Christians we say we want God’s will for our lives, but what we really want is our will of our life with God’s approval.

We want what we want and when we don’t get it we freak out.

The flesh.

It’s a nasty thing.

“LET HIM THAT IS TAUGHT IN THE WORD COMMUNICATE UNTO HIM THAT TEACHETH IN ALL GOOD THINGS. BE NOT DECEIVED; GOD IS NOT MOCKED: FOR WHATSOEVER A MAN SOWETH, THAT SHALL HE ALSO REAP. FOR HE THAT SOWETH TO HIS FLESH SHALL OF THE FLESH REAP CORRUPTION; BUT HE THAT SOWETH TO THE SPIRIT SHALL OF THE SPIRIT REAP LIFE EVERLASTING. AND LET US NOT BE WEARY IN WELL DOING: FOR IN DUE SEASON WE SHALL REAP, IF WE FAINT NOT. AS WE HAVE THEREFORE OPPORTUNITY, LET US DO GOOD UNTO ALL MEN, ESPECIALLY UNTO THEM WHO ARE OF THE HOUSEHOLD OF FAITH.” – GALATIANS 6:6-10

“You receive not because you ask amiss..” – James

FOR THE FLESH LUSTETH AGAINST THE SPIRIT, AND THE SPIRIT AGAINST THE FLESH: AND THESE ARE CONTRARY THE ONE TO THE OTHER: SO THAT YE CANNOT DO THE THINGS THAT YE WOULD. – GALATIANS 5:17

I can give an example from a couple of years ago.

These blogs were written at that time:
Waiting on God and soon after came God is in the waiting

The main theme of those (among a few other things) is that I wanted to be married.  I wanted to be married more than anything.  All of my friends were getting married.  My life was stuck and it seemed that getting married was the next thing… it was the thing that was going to propel my life forward.  You miss out on a lot of life with that mentality.  But, do you?

It’s where I truly learned the scripture: “He who loses his life for My sake will find it”.

How would I explain?

You see, I had just gotten saved.  Things were getting thrown out left and right in my life. It was a constant state of tornado.  I get it now, but it was horrible at the time.  God was cleaning my life out.  I prayed for wisdom, discernment, and patience ALL AT THE SAME TIME and now that I have a little more wisdom can say it is not wise to do that.  Well, it is very wise, but wisdom is knowing God will say, “Ok” and all hell will break loose…because hell is breaking loose.  He is freeing you and opening your eyes to all your sin.  And dang I was quite screwed up.

Anyway.

I am not one to casually date.  I’ve always known it was going to be one person for me.

God has used several people to refine me, but this particular post is only about 1.

People will set you up with just anyone, right? And you’re like “Have you EVER met me???”  “Why would you think this is the one for me?”

But, someone I respected wanted me to speak to her brother.

I really liked this girl and she read her bible.  He lived in Missouri.

“What could possibly go wrong?”, she naively thought to herself.

This person was everything I ever dreamed and prayed for in a man.

If I had written down everything I ever wanted in a husband this person was him in the flesh.  I say that two-foldedly because that’s what it was.

God was about to take me on an adventure and lesson of a lifetime.  You see, I had just been radically saved.  Nobody was ever going to tell me God was not real, God didn’t exist, God can’t save you, and that I wasn’t saved.

Well, well, well….

This guy and I were perfect for each other.  It was mind blowing.  It was perfect.  This is what I waited for my whole life.  The person that everyone said didn’t exist WAS ALIVE AND TALKING TO ME.

“You’re never going to find perfect, Aimee…”

What’s the catch?  He was an unbeliever.  How?

He went to church and read the bible, but the parts of the bible that the pamphlets the church handed out.  My eyes were not opened yet, but this was how God got me to pay attention.  All the things God delivered me from were being put to the test in live action.  My car just committed suicide and I had been wanting to read the gospels.  So, the guy and I said we were going to study together.  Well, I have no patience to wait for others and I had no car so I tore that up.  He would mention things that his church said, as in, he believed you needed to be water baptized to be saved.  That means he believed I was not saved and on my way to hell because I was not baptized in water.

(I am not against water baptism.  I have still yet to be baptized in water, but it is now something I would like to do.  But WANTING to do something and being REQUIRED to do something are two different things.)

I can finally talk about this without screaming my head off.  For a long time I would get in these circle rants of these conversations we had.  Nobody would even have to prompt me… all I would have to hear is water baptism or the book of Acts in passing and I would start yelling about scriptures and religions and why they’re wrong and what God actually says.

“SEARCH THE SCRIPTURES; FOR IN THEM YE THINK YE HAVE ETERNAL LIFE: AND THEY ARE THEY WHICH TESTIFY OF ME.  AND YE WILL NOT COME TO ME, THAT YE MIGHT HAVE LIFE.  I RECEIVE NOT HONOUR FROM MEN.

BUT I KNOW YOU, THAT YE HAVE NOT THE LOVE OF GOD IN YOU.  I AM COME IN MY FATHER’S NAME, AND YE RECEIVE ME NOT: IF ANOTHER SHALL COME IN HIS OWN NAME, HIM YE WILL RECEIVE.  HOW CAN YE BELIEVE, WHICH RECEIVE HONOUR ONE OF ANOTHER, AND SEEK NOT THE HONOUR THAT COMETH FROM GOD ONLY?

DO NOT THINK THAT I WILL ACCUSE YOU TO THE FATHER: THERE IS ONE THAT ACCUSETH YOU, EVEN MOSES, IN WHOM YE TRUST.  FOR HAD YE BELIEVED MOSES, YE WOULD HAVE BELIEVED ME; FOR HE WROTE OF ME.  BUT IF YE BELIEVE NOT HIS WRITINGS, HOW SHALL YE BELIEVE MY WORDS?” – John 5:29-47

You’re looking at the scriptures.  You’re looking at the wrong thing.  You are not looking at Jesus.  You go to church.  You talk about loving God.  You help the homeless.  You do all these things, but you are not saved and do not love God.  You can’t.

“VERILY I SAY UNTO YOU, ALL SINS SHALL BE FORGIVEN UNTO THE SONS OF MEN, AND BLASPHEMIES WHEREWITH SOEVER THEY SHALL BLASPHEME:  BUT HE THAT SHALL BLASPHEME AGAINST THE HOLY GHOST HATH NEVER FORGIVENESS, BUT IS IN DANGER OF ETERNAL DAMNATION.” – MARK 3:28-29

To deny the power of the Holy Spirit is to deny Jesus.  God is 3 persons… the father, Son, and Holy Spirit and if Jesus brought the comforter and we are to be taught and led by it because it is His spirit… to deny that is to deny Jesus and the power of God.  Jesus and the Father are one and as a new creature we are temples of the Holy Spirit.

That is for the believer.

“FOR BY GRACE ARE YE SAVED THROUGH FAITH; AND THAT NOT OF YOURSELVES: IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD: NOT OF WORKS, LEST ANY MAN SHOULD BOAST.  FOR WE ARE HIS WORKMANSHIP, CREATED IN CHRIST JESUS UNTO GOOD WORKS, WHICH GOD HATH BEFORE ORDAINED THAT WE SHOULD WALK IN THEM.”

– EPHESIANS 2:8-10

To believe you have to be water baptized in order to be saved is to believe that the cross was not enough.  Water baptism requirements for salvation is taking away Jesus’ sacrifice.  His blood was the atonement for sin.

When God crashes your grand adventure…

“JOHN ANSWERED, SAYING TO ALL, “I INDEED BAPTIZE YOU WITH WATER; BUT ONE MIGHTIER THAN I IS COMING, WHOSE SANDAL STRAP I AM NOT WORTHY TO LOOSE. HE WILL BAPTIZE YOU WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT AND FIRE.” – LUKE 3:16

Read about Nicodemus… I argued that, too…

They even have an argument for the thief on the cross.  They say that we don’t know for sure that the thief wasn’t baptized before being crucified.

EXCUSE ME.

That is one of the most powerful stories of redemption in the bible and you’re telling me God would have left out a “minor” detail that he may have been baptized before the cross if water baptism was required for salvation???  I do not think so.

So, I read EVERY account of the crucifixion and looking at EVERY technicality.  (Do you see what God was doing?  He was pointing out HIS WORDS in all of these arguments.  I was ferociously reading the bible which wasn’t good enough for the guy because his church pamphlet had “these scriptures’.  Hello.  I have the whole bible…. look at my pamphlet!  Whew!  I still can get pretty stirred up about this.)

Anyway, the thief…

Ok.  So they say since we are under the new covenant (Jesus was baptized and the new testament has acts that talks about baptisms…) came new laws.

“What about the scripture that says, “If you love me you will keep my commandments?  Should I just throw out the entire old testament of my bible then?”
“No, Aimee.”
“Well, according to you I might as well.”

I came up with an argument that got no where, except for me, that if in fact water baptism was required for salvation, and the thief on the cross was NOT baptized, it comes down to who died first.

Because if Jesus died first and the thief on the cross was NOT baptized he would be screwed according to what this guy’s church was taught/teaching others.

But, if Jesus died after the thieves then it wouldn’t really matter because he was still under the old covenant when he died because the new covenant (Jesus dying) would not have come to pass yet.

Well, aren’t we so happy that God doesn’t miss a thing?

“THE JEWS THEREFORE, BECAUSE IT WAS THE PREPARATION, THAT THE BODIES SHOULD NOT REMAIN UPON THE CROSS ON THE SABBATH DAY, (FOR THAT SABBATH DAY WAS AN HIGH DAY,) BESOUGHT PILATE THAT THEIR LEGS MIGHT BE BROKEN, AND THATTHEY MIGHT BE TAKEN AWAY. THEN CAME THE SOLDIERS, AND BRAKE THE LEGS OF THE FIRST, AND OF THE OTHER WHICH WAS CRUCIFIED WITH HIM. BUT WHEN THEY CAME TO JESUS, AND SAW THAT HE WAS DEAD ALREADY, THEY BRAKE NOT HIS LEGS: BUT ONE OF THE SOLDIERS WITH A SPEAR PIERCED HIS SIDE, AND FORTHWITH CAME THERE OUT BLOOD AND WATER. AND HE THAT SAW IT BARE RECORD, AND HIS RECORD IS TRUE: AND HE KNOWETH THAT HE SAITH TRUE, THAT YE MIGHT BELIEVE. FOR THESE THINGS WERE DONE, THAT THE SCRIPTURE SHOULD BE FULFILLED, A BONE OF HIM SHALL NOT BE BROKEN. AND AGAIN ANOTHER SCRIPTURE SAITH, THEY SHALL LOOK ON HIM WHOM THEY PIERCED.” – JOHN 19:31-36

When I brought this up it didn’t matter.

And I almost lost my mind.  But, that is also the time I realized just because God is opening your eyes doesn’t mean he will open the eyes of someone else.  That’s when I realized religion vs relationship.  That’s when so many things made sense to me because this was never about the guy, but about me and God.  It was a major step in trusting God.

I even prayed after for confirmation.  I went on this trip to Kansas City and said, “If he texts me back I can move forward.  If he doesn’t respond I have to move on.”

I waited 3 days.  I never told him I was there… He just never responded to my “Hello” text.  Kansas City Trip

It took a long time to get over this and stop asking “Why, God?”.  Why would you let this happen to me?  Why would you let something I’ve waited and begged you for and prayed my whole life about to not let me have it…

Actually, God can do whatever He wants.  He knows what will break us and make us turn to Him.  he knows what we need.  We need Him more than we want anything in this life.  He is the prize.  He will always be the prize.

“BUT WHAT THINGS WERE GAIN TO ME, THOSE I COUNTED LOSS FOR CHRIST.  YEA DOUBTLESS, AND I COUNT ALL THINGS BUT LOSS FOR THE EXCELLENCY OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF CHRIST JESUS MY LORD: FOR WHOM I HAVE SUFFERED THE LOSS OF ALL THINGS, AND DO COUNT THEM BUT DUNG, THAT I MAY WIN CHRIST,  AND BE FOUND IN HIM, NOT HAVING MINE OWN RIGHTEOUSNESS, WHICH IS OF THE LAW, BUT THAT WHICH IS THROUGH THE FAITH OF CHRIST, THE RIGHTEOUSNESS WHICH IS OF GOD BY FAITH: THAT I MAY KNOW HIM, AND THE POWER OF HIS RESURRECTION, AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF HIS SUFFERINGS, BEING MADE CONFORMABLE UNTO HIS DEATH;  IF BY ANY MEANS I MIGHT ATTAIN UNTO THE RESURRECTION OF THE DEAD.” – PHILIPPIANS 3:7-11

We have to want HIS will more than we want OURS.  It means completely letting go of our plans and not just saying we trust God and want His will.  If we say we want His will then we must be willing to accept whatever He tells us to do or where He brings us.

I never told anyone about any of this except ONE scripturally sound friend who was there in the midst of this fiasco because people would not understand and all they would see is that I turned down “the perfect guy”.  “Nobody is perfect, Aimee”.

Well, dang… I know nobody is perfect. I’m not looking for perfect.  I’m looking for saved and one who actually reads their bibles and wants a relationship with Jesus and doesn’t just go to church on Sundays because “it is required”.

I do not go to a church (because I believe as a Christian we are the church…. how do you go to yourself?  We are to be led by God and the Holy Spirit and not by man) nor am I water baptized.  I’m basically a heathen in the eyes of some while telling them all the magnificent things God has done in my life.

My dad eventually even said, “You’ll be unequally yoked” which turned into me screaming, “This isn’t about the guy!  This is between me and God!  I know I can’t marry him.”

My dad likes to “joke” with me and tug an imaginary string from the sky and say, “I’m giving it to you, Lord.  I surrender” while fighting …

You have to make a choice.  I eventually realized by letting go of this guy I was letting go of the life I always imagined in my head.  It was letting go of my life.  It was losing my life to find it.  It was turning down Satan’s offer of everything i ever imagined.  Remember Satan tempting Jesus in the wilderness?  That crossed my mind several times in this trial.

I got tired of the religious hypocrites so what did I do next?  Learned a goat is a goat and a sheep is a sheep.  I went on a few not-a-dates with an atheist.  God said to not even eat with those who call themselves a Christian, but do not follow his way… so I went the other way.  I was taking care of my grandma and needed to get out of the house.  At least I knew he was not a hypocrite.  That only lasted so long and was another test for me.  I talked to this guy for 4 years.  Have you ever talked to a brick wall?  It is a lot more profitable.  So, bargaining with myself was finality … it was either the atheist gets converted or I move to another state.  Not dramatic at all.  I have peace now knowing my life is headed in another direction completely.  Leave it all behind.  (Not dramatic with my all or nothing personality AT ALL.)

Ok… I take back what I said.  I mentioned 2 guys.  There were actually 3, but I’m still not able to talk about the first…

Wow.  I learned how thankful I am God doesn’t give us what we want.

I also decided to name my firstborn Cornelius… Read Acts 10.

He had received the Holy Ghost without being baptized with water.  They didn’t know how he was speaking in the tongues they were knowing he wasn’t water baptized.  Cornelius, my brother.  Baptized with fire.

Now, I’m free… and can argue with atheists and the religious even though they are the same because atheism is indeed a religion as you are your own god.

I have (almost) found the One my soul loves…

One more thing: who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?  As a joke I signed up on a dating website to appease people who don’t know what they’re talking about and I made a friend.  Yes, only I could end up on a dating site and make friends.  Anyway, where is the humor?  This was right after water baptism guy so I was still mad.  The first person I felt compelled to talk to and is still my friend, when we accepted that neither of us were serial killers exchanged names.  His name was Tim.

He had the same name as Water baptism guy.  I just said, “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.  God, you have a great sense of humor!”

God was not kidding.  He has every detail mapped out and loves us more than we could ever imagine.

Speaking of new things springing forth I cooked this Thai Curry made with chickpeas and cauliflower for the first time from one of my favorite blogs.

Recipe: Thai Cauliflower Chickpea Curry