I know I repeat this in almost every blog, but God delivered me from fear.
I had crippling anxiety. At one point I wouldn’t leave the house. I was in my early twenties. If I was safe at home nothing bad could happen. If I was always around people I loved I would know what they were up to and nothing bad would happen. I was PARALYZED. I won’t get into all of it here, but do you ever just think almost every hour of the day how thankful you are. Do you ever think “Please don’t ever let me forget what You did for me.” I never want to forget the moment Jesus rescued me. I honestly don’t think I could, but the thought passes my mind.
It’s been an incredible journey. One I couldn’t imagine, but that’s proof God says, “I will never leave nor forsake you.”
I couldn’t have done some of the things I did without Him. People in my life were amazed. I was always a shy, very quiet person who was afraid of sleeping at her friend’s house. So imagine that person going on her first big trip to Ireland alone.
I know people travel all the time. People take solo trips all the time. But, for me… this was HUGE. This was an all or nothing proof of my life. I had to prove something and beat the old me, but also I truly believed this was between me and God. It was the first of the most freeing experience of my life. At the time I honestly didn’t care if I lived or died. I faced death. I looked it in the face and realized “What is my purpose… I don’t have one… Why am I here… I don’t have a reason to be here…What would it matter… But where would I go…” I wouldn’t have made it the rest of the year, “But God”.
Adventures in Grace and Overanalyzing Everything
A year after that I drove through the desert alone to ride a mule in the Grand Canyon. It was as if I WAS LED INTO THE WILDERNESS. I NEEDED to go. I was going through a spiritual desert season and was about to learn to truly depend on God. About a month before that I prayed “Help me to understand Revelation” and without thinking much of that small prayer He ripped the veils off my eyes to one of the biggest lies the devil ever told … “Let God be true and every man a liar…” so nothing else mattered…I needed to be in a desert… me and God. (If nothing else I’ve learned how carefully to pray now. 😛 … Patience… Wisdom… Discernment… REVEALING THINGS
Grand Canyon Trip – 2016 <—Blog with more details
My prayer for the beginning of the trip was no matter what happened God was going to take care of me. It wasn’t long after I was driving past civilization when I saw a rainbow in the desert. A promise. God would take care of me. And after that all kinds of situations arose, but I was never nervous. God had me. (A few years and wisdom lessons later I would not do that again.)
Right after that I met the “perfect man” for me. It was the perfect test for me to prove my faith. God had brought me so far and nobody could tell me anything so why not send someone dressed as everything I ever wanted with a belief system out to attack mine. I had to let go of ‘my plan’. This guy was making me live out the scripture “You must lose your life to find it.” I had to let go of the life I always wanted trusting God’s plan was better and that He had bigger things in store for me. (Hint: I’m single.)
You have to want Him more than… – <— Blog explains more on that subject.
All of this to say I have learned a lot in 5 years. It has been quite a journey and one I would never want to not have.
The scripture is so important to study because it’s the only defense we have to overcome the schemes of the devil. He is very wise. He knows our weaknesses. He knows when we are weak and shows up right on time to tempt us. The devil can’t make you do anything for we were given free will. It is OUR choice to sin or not. It is our choice to resist the devil and he will flee. It is OUR choice to declare the promises of God and not let the lies be louder than the voice of Truth.
I am so thankful for God not giving me what I wanted. I can’t say that enough. I CANNOT SAY THAT ENOUGH.
“CASTING DOWN IMAGINATIONS, AND EVERY HIGH THING THAT EXALTETH ITSELF AGAINST THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOD, AND BRINGING INTO CAPTIVITY EVERY THOUGHT TO THE OBEDIENCE OF CHRIST; AND HAVING IN A READINESS TO REVENGE ALL DISOBEDIENCE, WHEN YOUR OBEDIENCE IS FULFILLED.
DO YE LOOK ON THINGS AFTER THE OUTWARD APPEARANCE? IF ANY MAN TRUST TO HIMSELF THAT HE IS CHRIST’S, LET HIM OF HIMSELF THINK THIS AGAIN, THAT, AS HE IS CHRIST’S, EVEN SO ARE WE CHRIST’S.” – 2 CORINTHIANS 10:5-7
The devil comes and tries to show you what you don’t have when you can be swimming in deep blessings. He comes to point out the one thing you’re lacking. It’s YOUR job to shut him up. It’s YOUR job to tell him who your LORD is and that he has been defeated. He has no reign over your life ANYMORE.
Thank you, God, for making me free and casting down my idols.
Thank you for teaching me Your ways and that they’re always higher.
“AND I WILL RESTORE TO YOU THE YEARS THAT THE LOCUST HATH EATEN, THE CANKERWORM, AND THE CATERPILLER, AND THE PALMERWORM, MY GREAT ARMY WHICH I SENT AMONG YOU. AND YE SHALL EAT IN PLENTY, AND BE SATISFIED, AND PRAISE THE NAME OF THE LORD YOUR GOD, THAT HATH DEALT WONDROUSLY WITH YOU: AND MY PEOPLE SHALL NEVER BE ASHAMED.
AND YE SHALL KNOW THAT I AM IN THE MIDST OF ISRAEL, AND THAT I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD, AND NONE ELSE: AND MY PEOPLE SHALL NEVER BE ASHAMED. AND IT SHALL COME TO PASS AFTERWARD, THAT I WILL POUR OUT MY SPIRIT UPON ALL FLESH; AND YOUR SONS AND YOUR DAUGHTERS SHALL PROPHESY, YOUR OLD MEN SHALL DREAM DREAMS, YOUR YOUNG MEN SHALL SEE VISIONS:
AND ALSO UPON THE SERVANTS AND UPON THE HANDMAIDS IN THOSE DAYS WILL I POUR OUT MY SPIRIT.” – JOEL 2:25-29
I don’t know what this year will bring, but I know my God is good and faithful.
I want to stop looking for “what’s next”. Happiness will never be in what’s next.
I want God to keep molding me for the life He has for me. I want to continue getting closer to Jesus and shaping me into His image.
This life isn’t mine. I surrendered to His will for my life.
“THEREFORE SEEING WE HAVE THIS MINISTRY, AS WE HAVE RECEIVED MERCY, WE FAINT NOT; BUT HAVE RENOUNCED THE HIDDEN THINGS OF DISHONESTY, NOT WALKING IN CRAFTINESS, NOR HANDLING THE WORD OF GOD DECEITFULLY; BUT BY MANIFESTATION OF THE TRUTH COMMENDING OURSELVES TO EVERY MAN’S CONSCIENCE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD.
BUT IF OUR GOSPEL BE HID, IT IS HID TO THEM THAT ARE LOST: IN WHOM THE GOD OF THIS WORLD HATH BLINDED THE MINDS OF THEM WHICH BELIEVE NOT, LEST THE LIGHT OF THE GLORIOUS GOSPEL OF CHRIST, WHO IS THE IMAGE OF GOD, SHOULD SHINE UNTO THEM.
FOR WE PREACH NOT OURSELVES, BUT CHRIST JESUS THE LORD; AND OURSELVES YOUR SERVANTS FOR JESUS’ SAKE. FOR GOD, WHO COMMANDED THE LIGHT TO SHINE OUT OF DARKNESS, HATH SHINED IN OUR HEARTS, TO GIVE THE LIGHT OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE GLORY OF GOD IN THE FACE OF JESUS CHRIST.
BUT WE HAVE THIS TREASURE IN EARTHEN VESSELS, THAT THE EXCELLENCY OF THE POWER MAY BE OF GOD, AND NOT OF US.” – 2 CORINTHIANS 4:1-7
I do not lack anything.
God has equipped me for where I am and will continue to bring me from glory to glory with Him. Where He leads I will follow and will use the gifts and talents He chose for me to fulfill His purpose for me.
He is setting me up by having me in specific seasons and situations to be ready to walk into the next season when the door opens.
2019 me. The girl who learned to be content in whatever state she found herself.
If you got what you prayed for… <—Blog
He’s not done with me for this is only the beginning. Forget the former things… He is doing a new thing.
That new thing is me. I am a new creature who cannot return to my old ways.
Just like a butterfly can never go back to being that caterpillar the same goes for the Christian.
I have a Butterfly garden: Just when the caterpillar thought its life was over…
^^^Butterly blog post
Don’t look back…You’re not going that way. We can only move forward.
I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I’m not where I was.
❤
Beloved Oath of God 