Why are we so afraid of telling God our feelings?  Is it just me?  As in the garden when Adam and Eve were trying to hide and couldn’t come out because they were naked that’s us.  Shame overcame them.

They messed up.

“Who told you that you were naked?”

The perfect response.  There was no yelling or name calling for their disobedience.  God already knew they sinned.  God knew they would sin before they ever sinned and had a plan to redeem human kind after the very first to walk the earth ruined it for us all.

God already knew all of it, but when they confessed their sins they could move forward, however, with consequences.

“CONFESS YOUR FAULTS ONE TO ANOTHER, AND PRAY ONE FOR ANOTHER, THAT YE MAY BE HEALED. THE EFFECTUAL FERVENT PRAYER OF A RIGHTEOUS MAN AVAILETH MUCH.” – JAMES 5:16

It is so important to confess our sins for it has so many components.  Only God can forgive them, but the definition itself of confession is “a formal statement admitting that one is guilty of a crime”.  Admission.

There’s nothing we confess that makes God love us any less as we are His children.  One of the biggest lies the devil tells us is we should be ashamed.

See, my God is Yahweh.  He is the One, True God who is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  He created all things.  He had a plan of redemption for me before the foundations of the world.  He sent His Son to die once and for all to make atonement for my sins giving access to the Father… and I choose to believe that tiny voice telling us to be ashamed.

I’ve been struggling lately.  That devil is out to attack my faith, but he can only get me where I allow it.  What do I choose to believe?  It’s so easy to be angry at God, isn’t it?  After all He’s the one in control of everything.  When life doesn’t go as planned (we are good at making plans…) it’s easiest to blame God.

The problem is it’s not God’s fault.  He can do whatever He wants, but He always makes things to work out for good for those who love Him and are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).  He may chastise us for something, but like any parent does it out of love for us.

He makes good from our messes and we are the ones who can tear our lives upside down through choices we make.  He didn’t promise rainbows and sunshine all the time, but we can have peace and joy in adversity.  He promises to never leave us or forsake us and He would always be there.

When things don’t go well we get angry.  Then, we may feel shame and want to hide our feelings.  Suppressing emotions only make it worse.  Pressure builds and you end up doing strange things to deal with it.

Recently, while struggling with anger, I was so ashamed to feel that way.  Why and how could I be mad at a perfect God who has done nothing but bless me?  My life is good and here comes that persistent, irritating devil telling me if God didn’t do this He also won’t do this.  If God didn’t answer THIS prayer He won’t answer another.  How do I know God has a plan for me?  Nothing seems to have worked out and I’m still in the same place doing the same things after years of praying.  I was forgotten and nothing matters.

(First of all that’s all a lie.  I may physically be in the same place, but my heart has been radically changed.  God has shown me all kinds of things and split seas open left and right teaching me.)

I was so ashamed of thinking and feeling that way I wouldn’t tell anyone.  I kept trying to pray through it, but it was getting in the way of that.  How do you spend time with someone and pray to someone you are having trouble trusting???

One night I had enough.  I had to move forward.  As I was laying in my bed I started telling God ALL my feelings.  It’s not like He didn’t already know them because He examines our hearts and thoughts.

“I’m angry at You.  I don’t want to be angry, but I am. Please. Help me.”

This went on and the next morning felt so free. I confronted it.  I confessed it.  I asked Him for help.

A week or so later those feelings came back with a vengeance.  But, this time it was seeping out… slamming cabinets, yelling over everything, aggressively mixing cookies…

I aired it all out to my dad one night.  All kinds of poisons were spewing out of my mouth… all my feelings of being forgotten by God came out.  My life had been a waste.

The next morning I texted a close friend to pray for my heart and told her what I’d been feeling.  The thing is I know deep down those things weren’t true.

You can’t keep poison in.  Even when you do consume actual poison or anything toxic your body vomits it up to get rid of it.  It will kill you if you hold it down.

Well, I told my friend and sister in Christ the poison and she answered scripturally.
“I’m sorry for dumping this on you.”
“Stop apologizing for dumping this on me.  You’re struggling and that’s the perfect thing to dump.”

After telling her I went outside for a while, praying, and doing what I usually do when angry: trim the bushes (power tools!!!).

When I came inside I checked my computer and got a random message from a lady I don’t talk to regularly.   It was a video of God’s promises.  It’s hours of scripture after scripture.  Obviously, I started weeping and messaged her back saying I don’t know why you sent this to me, but God told you to send this to me.

I told my friend I had just confessed to and she said she prayed for a physical sign.

We are not forgotten.

It’s not weak to be weak for His strength is made perfect in our weakness.  Though we are weak He is strong.  Casting our cares on Him because He cares for us.

He loves us as His children and nothing can separate us from the love of Christ.

Nothing can take our joy.  Who the Son sets free is free indeed.

I am a child of God.  He loves me.  He will never forsake me… even when that devil tries to convince me otherwise.

Driving home I blasted hymns… to speak louder and drown out that lying voice.

That devil comes to steal and destroy.  He comes to steal our peace.

The battles is in our mind.  It’s the best tool he could use to try to turn us away from God. It just takes one thought… one second of doubt to start a spiral of hopelessness and fear and doubt.

I know who my God is and the battle is already won.  He has brought me through too much to turn back down.  He is faithful and who He says He is.

He is near to the brokenhearted.

“BUT NOW THUS SAITH THE LORD THAT CREATED THEE, O JACOB, AND HE THAT FORMED THEE, O ISRAEL, FEAR NOT: FOR I HAVE REDEEMED THEE, I HAVE CALLED THEE BY THY NAME; THOU ART MINE.

WHEN THOU PASSEST THROUGH THE WATERS, I WILL BE WITH THEE; AND THROUGH THE RIVERS, THEY SHALL NOT OVERFLOW THEE: WHEN THOU WALKEST THROUGH THE FIRE, THOU SHALT NOT BE BURNED; NEITHER SHALL THE FLAME KINDLE UPON THEE.” – ISAIAH 43:1-2

We grow from glory to glory and with each trial and circumstance we become stronger in our faith.

“WHEREIN YE GREATLY REJOICE, THOUGH NOW FOR A SEASON, IF NEED BE, YE ARE IN HEAVINESS THROUGH MANIFOLD TEMPTATIONS: THAT THE TRIAL OF YOUR FAITH, BEING MUCH MORE PRECIOUS THAN OF GOLD THAT PERISHETH, THOUGH IT BE TRIED WITH FIRE, MIGHT BE FOUND UNTO PRAISE AND HONOUR AND GLORY AT THE APPEARING OF JESUS CHRIST: WHOM HAVING NOT SEEN, YE LOVE; IN WHOM, THOUGH NOW YE SEE HIM NOT, YET BELIEVING, YE REJOICE WITH JOY UNSPEAKABLE AND FULL OF GLORY: RECEIVING THE END OF YOUR FAITH, EVEN THE SALVATION OF YOUR SOULS.” – 1 PETER 1:6-9

When that tiny voice comes you tell that devil to shut up.

“FINALLY, MY BRETHREN, BE STRONG IN THE LORD, AND IN THE POWER OF HIS MIGHT. PUT ON THE WHOLE ARMOUR OF GOD, THAT YE MAY BE ABLE TO STAND AGAINST THE WILES OF THE DEVIL. FOR WE WRESTLE NOT AGAINST FLESH AND BLOOD, BUT AGAINST PRINCIPALITIES, AGAINST POWERS, AGAINST THE RULERS OF THE DARKNESS OF THIS WORLD, AGAINST SPIRITUAL WICKEDNESS IN HIGH PLACES.

WHEREFORE TAKE UNTO YOU THE WHOLE ARMOUR OF GOD, THAT YE MAY BE ABLE TO WITHSTAND IN THE EVIL DAY, AND HAVING DONE ALL, TO STAND.

STAND THEREFORE, HAVING YOUR LOINS GIRT ABOUT WITH TRUTH, AND HAVING ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS; AND YOUR FEET SHOD WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; ABOVE ALL, TAKING THE SHIELD OF FAITH, WHEREWITH YE SHALL BE ABLE TO QUENCH ALL THE FIERY DARTS OF THE WICKED.

AND TAKE THE HELMET OF SALVATION, AND THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, WHICH IS THE WORD OF GOD: PRAYING ALWAYS WITH ALL PRAYER AND SUPPLICATION IN THE SPIRIT, AND WATCHING THEREUNTO WITH ALL PERSEVERANCE AND SUPPLICATION FOR ALL SAINTS; AND FOR ME, THAT UTTERANCE MAY BE GIVEN UNTO ME, THAT I MAY OPEN MY MOUTH BOLDLY, TO MAKE KNOWN THE MYSTERY OF THE GOSPEL, FOR WHICH I AM AN AMBASSADOR IN BONDS: THAT THEREIN I MAY SPEAK BOLDLY, AS I OUGHT TO SPEAK.” – EPHESIANS 6:10-20

I saw this quote on instagram yesterday and loved it.

YOUR CALLING IS GOING TO CRUSH YOU.
If you’re called to mend the brokenhearted, you’re going to wrestle with brokenheartedness.
If you’re called to prophesy, you’re going to struggle to control your mouth.
If you’re called to lay hands, you will battle spiritual viruses.
If you are called to preach and to teach the gospel, you will be sifted for the wisdom that anoints your message.
If you are called to empower, your self esteem will be attacked, your successes will be hard fought.
Your calling will come with cups, thorns and sifting that are necessary for your mantle to be authentic, humble, and powerful.  Your crushing won’t be easy because your assignment isn’t easy.
YOUR OIL IS NOT CHEAP.