I am not sure how to tell this story, but it was such a magnificent thing for me to witness in my life, somehow have to. It was a week filled with “God left me” and miracles.

I know now, more than ever, we need to cling to Christ. There are so many uncertainties in life right now, which causes us to be in a heightened state of anxiety and fear, making us react in ways we may have avoided in ‘normal’ circumstances.

God shows us our hearts.

Last week was rough for me. Plain and simple. It started when I got my evaluation at work.

I work in customer service for a huge corporation and understand the scoring system. Every year I ignore it and do not take things personally, but for some reason, 4/5 for being nice got under my skin this year. All I hear is how nice I am, and am not saying this to brag, but A 4?!? Me being mad about getting 4/5 on niceness is ironic, I’m aware.

Have I ever mentioned in my other blogs how much I hate depending on people? I do not like help from other people or having to “owe” anyone anything. God has been working on me to let people in.

All I wanted and counted on last week was cooking chicken soup on Friday afternoon. Friday is my one afternoon off besides Sunday, and the whole week starts Monday again. It’s not that I don’t love my jobs, but it’s the only time I have to get some things done.

Not to mention during this crazy time, going to the grocery store is like a vacation. I look forward to it as it’s kind of the only thing we can do. On Fridays, I go “across the river,” as we would call to Whole Foods (aka Whole Paycheck).

Control. All week I planned on making this soup. Not only that but had a schedule of my plans. This would happen on this day, and could do this, and I also had a dentist appointment on Monday. There were just too many things planned, and I needed a car to get them all done. I’m assuming you already see the crash coming?

The week before the terrible, no good weekend made my first homemade chicken stock and took some out of the freezer to prepare for my soup. This means it was thawed out already, couldn’t re-freeze it, and wasn’t going to let it go to waste. Friday comes, and that morning I get a text my dad had to put our only car in the shop (there was a leak in the radiator hose, and they had to wait for a part… I’m speaking on the information I gathered, not because I know what anything means). My dad asked if I could find a ride home. On Fridays, I am thankful to have hours at our second location while the one I usually work as is closed on weekends for now, but this means I cannot walk home.

In the middle of typing a message to a friend about a ride, I remembered my boss having a meeting at other location (Close to my house) and asked if I could hitch a ride. I am thankful for God’s provision.

I get home to find out there are no rentals available in the entire New Orleans area.

At this point, this whole week, on top of the past few weeks, is between God and me because I felt like He forgot me. I couldn’t pay attention to anything I was reading in my bible when before He was ALWAYS teaching me.

Control. “I’m making this chicken soup today, God. You’ve taken everything else. Let me make the soup.”

I’ll summarize this as best I can. I didn’t make the soup on Friday.

I walked to the closest grocery store to our house that didn’t have all the ingredients I needed. While there, my dad called to say he found a rental and a shuttle would come to get us at 4:30. I put some of the things back and hurried to walk home. It’s about 2:30 at this point. We waited—4:40 rolls around, and no shuttle or phone call. My dad called the rental company, and they said they were on their way. 6:00 rolls around. No shuttle. So, by this time, we have been stranded at home with no phone call or information. We could’ve gotten a ride to the place, but instead got a broken promise, and now they are closed.

I text the friend I almost texted earlier for a ride because I was determined to make my chicken soup. I did not go to the store that night despite my gracious friend’s willingness because my dad said someone was supposed to call. I responded, “the regional Vice President is not going to rent us a car Friday afternoon or bring me to Whole Foods”. Instead, I walked to the dollar store for chips and cookies.

I lost my mind. The rental company took away my chicken soup and held me captive in my house. I can not describe the completely irrational, out of body experience I had without being locked up in an institution or branded a total jerk for life.

Saturday, after lots of phone calls, we got the rental and I went to work. After work, my dad picked me up and we went to Whole Foods. I was so happy to get my desire.

On Sunday, my friend who offered to bring me to the store called and asked if I needed anything from the grocery she was at with an audible smirk. I responded it was so brave of her to bring that up as it was still too soon. We laughed over the emotional trauma, and she listened to my pent up emotions and evaluation.

I said such hurtful things over the weekend and took out my frustrations with God on the wrong person. I said awful things because out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

I thought it was too late. God promised something and I was tired of waiting. In a way, I chose to do what Esau did and chose a bowl of soup over my birthright. I just chose unbelief over faith in God’s timing. Sunday night I repented. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t deal with this separation from God anymore. “Why won’t you talk to me? You used to teach me all the time. Please forgive my sins and what I’ve done and let me get close to You again. Please.”

Monday morning, I listened to Romans while getting dressed for work. I felt defeated. My coworker even mentioned something was wrong because I did not get excited when my absolute favorite customer walked in the door and normally, I celebrate and make a huge deal.

When she mentioned it, I knew my heart in bad shape. I wrote Romans 8:38-39 on a note and brought it to him upstairs.

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39

When he came downstairs, without knowing anything said, “keep holding onto him. You’re holding on to the right One. Keep holding on.”

Later that day, the corporation’s beloved janitor worked in our building. I honestly saw it as God’s grace on me. He is an older man who is the personification of joy and takes great pride in his job. Every single employee (and there are A LOT) loves and respects him. No matter when you pass him in the hall, he has a smile and a greeting. I am honored to be one of his thousands of queens .

And he came to work in OUR building on all days.

I thanked God.

I went to the dentist. I am ashamed to admit how long it has been since I’ve been to the dentist, but it only adds to this testimony, so I will. Since my junior year of high school, I haven’t been to the dentist after getting my braces off and we moved to Memphis. I’ll leave the math up to you. I had developed such a fear of the dentist I would start sweating at the thought. I’ve been paying for insurance through work though for years, never using it, and eventually, fear of my teeth falling out became greater than my fear of the dentist.

I went to the dentist. Weeks prior, i prayed over my teeth. I knew I would need a lot of dental work done and prayed; somehow, it would be ok.

I got x rays and while she’s cleaning my teeth says, “your teeth are perfectly fine”.

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah there’s nothing wrong with them and no cavities.”

“What?! No. What about this tooth all the way back here? There’s a crack in it.”

She looked at me like I was insane.

“No. That’s just a stain.”

“What about these? They’re eroding!”

“Your gums are just gone there. You probably brush too hard.”

WHAT?!?!?

“No you don’t understand. This is amazing! This is a miracle!”

“People with anxiety usually have better teeth because you don’t want to come to see us.”

God protected my teeth, and I was telling everybody! I was texting people, and my coworker had to hear the story so many times! I’m cracking up at the thought … “there she goes about the teeth… again.”

It was like the Israelites in the desert when their shoes didn’t wear out. I’d been a caregiver, little money, I could go on and on. It was in this moment, after the unbelievably horrible weekend I had, that I realized nothing can separate me from the love of Christ and what that means. His grace has absolutely nothing to do with me or what I think I can do to earn it because I am the least deserving of any of it.

Not only that, a few days later, someone would offer to bless me with something I never saw coming. At first, I said absolutely not, but quickly learned it wasn’t just their idea. Three people had the same idea separately on their own and came together. When I learned that part of it I burst into tears. “Where two or more are gathered in My name I will be there”.

I told two of my closest friends who are Christians, and my dad … because this was major.

“…And it’s Him teaching you to let others step in and help you. To put your pride aside and let Papa take care of you through others…”

“Sometimes, it’s never about the receiver and always about how God is pushing the giver. They are right to pray to about it, but when you told me, I was like YES, GOD, YES, and He’s using people to do it vs just dropping them in your backyard. God puts things on people’s hearts and money for (that) seems like a HUGE deal to you… which it is. But, to them it’s something they have they can give and it’s not that big of a deal to them because God said “ok do this” and it just feels right.”

I am blown away. This isn’t about material things and would never promote prosperity teachings. We should not give to receive or give thinking we can buy God because we can’t. This isn’t about ’things’, but about His provision. He knows what we need before we ask and has plans to take care of the issue before it even arises. In His timing and for His reason, He waits. He’s working in the background on when we do not see and have to depend on Him. We are never forgotten. We are never unloved. We can never run too far where He cannot find us.

I do not have any words except for how great my God is.

Jehovah- jireh… my provider.

We HAVE to surrender. Holding on to whatever we are holding onto, we are still in “control” and not allowing Him to bless us the way He sees fit. We have to let go of our expectations, as scary as it is, and say “I’m going where you lead even though it’s dark and I can’t see but I trust You and am holding your hand”. He loves to surprise us.

There’s nothing we can do to separate ourselves from Him because we are new and sealed. We are His. He already knows our shortcomings and chose us anyway. We have to let go of our ideas and the old way of living so He can bring the new. His new is so much better than anything we think is right. We have to repent because sin is what separates us from Him. It’s what keeps us at arm’s length when He wants us to sit in His lap and teach us. It only took 6 years and a pot of soup for me to learn this lesson.

Thank you for reading this lengthy story. I hope you have a blessed day and know you are not forgotten. He shows up unexpectedly with things we don’t even think about. He’s in the details. He makes beauty from the ashes. He makes a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

PS- I will never forget the chicken soup.

“This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.“

From A to Z be thankful for the M…

I waited… and waited…losing faith… ‘and suddenly’. A car and a job: This is the life that God built!

***Since you’ve held on this long here’s the chicken soup recipe:

I used The Barefoot Contessa’s chicken stock recipe and Ambitious Kitchen’s For the chicken soup.

The Barefoot Contessa stock :

https://barefootcontessa.com/recipes/homemade-chicken-stock

Ambitious Kitchen:

The Best Chicken Soup You’ll Ever Eat