As I sat down to start this post last night I realized how much calmer I am now.
Is it because I am in a new season?
Surely, I should learn to be content no matter where I am, right?
I wanted to write about all the changes in my life and how long I waited and prayed for a new SOMETHING.
I couldn’t put my finger on what was so different because it seems EVERYTHING is different.

I suddenly realized I AM WHAT IS DIFFERENT.

What was so different though? As my fingers were typing a story I thought, “I trusted God”.

That is the difference.

I realized for the last almost seven years of my life I have been fighting God. I was living for the “what’s next” and not realizing that’s what I was doing.

I believe I was where I was supposed to be and God had me planted for a (loooooooooooong) season.

I write this often, but it wasn’t until I lost a friend last year that I changed so much. I always ran to him because he was someone I could talk to about God. He was the strongest believer I’ve ever met and very opinionated. He showed you the Word no matter what sentence came out of your mouth even if you mentioned going to the grocery store. He was my crutch and it got kicked out from under me. While I never would say he was my leader or I ran to him instead of God, he was just an extremely great friend. I wrote about this in the following blog post referencing an Oswald Chambers devotional I read one morning:
Losing someone important. ‘The Experience Must Come’ – Oswald Chambers

My faith was shaky for a while wondering where God was. We prayed for a miracle that never came (that we could see). We were so in that he would be healed that death wasn’t an option. It just came out of nowhere because it just wasn’t supposed to end this way.

I really was having trouble when my friend called that she was pregnant with the miracle baby.

Last year was the truest test for my faith so far in my walk and after the miracle baby story everything changed. He is faithful and trustworthy. I started praying that God would cut off everything in my life that was inhibiting my walk with Him. This life is not a dress rehearsal and we don’t have time to play around. We get one shot to get it right and life is too short to waste time on things that are not meant for us.

Last night I realized how stressed I was by realizing how free I feel now.

“Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.” – James 4:2-3

Yes, God changed my circumstances, but the real change was deciding to trust God with my life truly. Judging by my actions and attitude, it was obvious I did not trust Him and was convicted of the terrible witness I must have been. I lived life with a side-eye, not believing He had what was best for me, and I had to fight for myself.

I waited… and waited…losing faith… ‘and suddenly’. A car and a job: This is the life that God built!

I started waking up and proclaiming He DID have plans and a future for my life. I may not have been able to see in the dark, but I trusted He guided me through it. When someone stated something negative, I would cut it down with the truth of God’s word and what HE says. He says He makes a way when there is no way. He says He works all things out for our good.

And that is what changed. Me.

I let go of expectations of how I thought life should go and said, “Ok. It’s You and me. I don’t know what will happen, but I know Your ways are always good.”

I learned to let go. I let go! It was so freeing! I changed before my circumstances did, and I am so thankful for it.  

“I BESEECH YOU THEREFORE, BRETHREN, BY THE MERCIES OF GOD, THAT YE PRESENT YOUR BODIES A LIVING SACRIFICE, HOLY, ACCEPTABLE UNTO GOD, WHICH IS YOUR REASONABLE SERVICE. AND BE NOT CONFORMED TO THIS WORLD: BUT BE YE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND, THAT YE MAY PROVE WHAT IS THAT GOOD, AND ACCEPTABLE, AND PERFECT, WILL OF GOD.” – ROMANS 12:1-2

Thankful for new and LONG AWAITED seasons. He makes everything better than we could ever imagine or dream for ourselves. I would not change anything in my life, for I would not have my relationship with God.

On that note I am excited about Spring and have been preparing my garden.