My cousin visited last week with her young children: one is seven and one is four. We grew up like sisters, and because her husband is in the military, she lives in another state and is about to be stationed farther away in a couple of months. While it’s not the subject of this post, I was planning on moving with her before God gave me this new job. Her husband has been deployed for the last year overseas, so she has been with her children alone. She’s essentially been a single parent, and I have so much respect for her.

Her two children have opposite personalities: the oldest being intelligent, spunky, and funny, dramatic and emotional, while having a dominant, push every button, test every limit, and mental gymnastics mind ALL OF THE TIME. The youngest is a sweet, laid-back little boy.

I cannot remember the initial issue at the moment, but one night I joked to my cousin that if they touched my plants “it was on”. God has taught me so much in my garden. I have been working on it to prepare for spring. I do not have a husband or children of my own yet, so I am tending to what God has given me. My little butterfly garden is extremely special to me. (For garden nerds: I bought salvia and lantana on clearance about a month ago. All the leaves were gone, and it looked dry. It has green leaves growing back, and my salvia has a small bud coming in! Another exciting thing is the jasmine plant I almost threw out has been resurrected—patience lesson!)

My theory was if I included my little niece in something, she wouldn’t be so tempted to mess with my plants in a forbidden fruit type situation.

My cousin and her grandparents (my aunt and uncle) looked hesitant when I told them I let her touch my milkweed.

The next day I went to work, and when I came home, I knew something significant had happened. My family was solemn; my nephew looked giddy, knowing his sister would get in trouble. My aunt bought me plants.

Something was amiss, but I had just came from outside, and nothing looked like it had been touched.

It was a dramatic scene getting my niece to tell me what she had done wrong, pressed by my family. I just stood there waiting and praying she would say to me before one of them took to disciplining her harshly. It was not going well for her. Nobody was on her side.

Finally, she told me what she had done. I do not want to say in my blog because, in hindsight, that is not the point of this post, but it did crush me. I knelt in front of her, and I lost my mind. My family just watched it all play out because they had already done the same (I did not know this at the time).

Knowing how she is and that she doesn’t listen, I started screaming out of frustration, “I told you not to touch them! You don’t listen to anybody!”

My cousin was crying. She was crying. Her brother was delighted. Everyone was silent. I hugged her and told her I loved her and then continued yelling.

“Why did you touch them?!”

“I forgot.”

“You didn’t forget! You were disobedient! You disobeyed!”

She was defeated. I read her, and she couldn’t get out of this. It can be hurtful when someone sees right through us, can’t it? We want to hide behind our facade. The word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart (Hebrews 4:12).

While this was going on, I kept thinking of how many times God said the same thing to me and how my response was the same. This event didn’t last long, even though it seemed to. I’d never yelled at her before, and I don’t think she knew I could.

Anger. Frustration. Hurt. Grace.

I hugged her again and told her I forgave her. She’s only a little girl.

While what she did was wrong, she’s still little and made a mistake. She knew she did wrong and would not look at me or come by me for a long time after.

Shame.

That’s what we all carry when we sin against God. We know what we are doing is wrong and hope we don’t get caught, but as children of God, the Spirit convicts us of our sin, and guilt sets in. As long as we are in this body, we will fight the flesh, but we can overcome by the Holy Spirit’s power.

My little niece has a strong will in a tiny body and has a long road ahead filled with lessons just like I do.

My niece taught me what true grace and forgiveness look like by her one act of disobedience. She destroyed something that meant a lot to me, and knew what she was doing.

I’ve willingly sinned against God and my sin put his Son on the cross. He forgave me anyway.

His mercies are new every day and I do not deserve his grace.

This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief. – 1 Timothy 1:15