Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.

Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.- Ephesians 4:31-32

I am ECSTATIC to share one of the most miraculous things that happened in my life and a long-awaited answered prayer. I am so thankful. We will only be genuinely healed in Heaven as we continue to grow from glory to glory while on this earth, but through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can overcome the schemes of the devil that are sent to destroy us. With that said, I am free and “I can’t even”.

Seven years ago, I learned the gift of salvation by being rescued from despair and depression. It was seven years ago that I realized how desperately I needed God because I genuinely hated someone for the very first time in my life. They were there for me when I needed help. God used them for a purpose, but they were not meant to stay in my life. It was not just a tiny, silly “I hate them”. It was an “If I never see them again, it would be too soon.” with evil thoughts taking over my mind. Even then, I remember thinking, “Where is this coming from? This is not Christian behavior??”. I was unaware of how much I was consumed by bitterness and how it controlled every aspect of my life as it was ”just how I was”.

A few years ago, a friend sent a sermon by Charles Stanley that had me sweating (that I cannot find!!!) talking about the pain/sin of unforgiveness (I’m not sure that’s a word, but I’m using it here) and it appeared it was for me. I watched it repeatedly. God had already been “yelling” at me through his Word. For example, the time Ephesians 4 seemed to blast through the speakers while listening to the audiobook one evening while cooking.

Charles Stanley mentioned God not allowing His children to act a certain way or live with bitterness as that is not His character, and we are made in His image. What does God do to the Child He is disciplining? He does not rip the bandaid off or allow the root of bitterness to go away or allow them to “never see them again”. Instead, he allows that source of hatred and bitterness to “pop up” from time to time like the “whack-a-mole” game as a heart gage to test our growth or lack thereof.

I cannot stand up and applaud how true this is (as I also make a scared, cringe face) because I would see this person out of nowhere. “What were the chances I’d see them here?!”, but over time I noticed the pain stung less and less, and my thoughts were not so harsh. Nor was I throwing (metaphorical!!) hand grenades. I realized God was actively healing my heart, and it was the most beautiful thing to witness.

I do not think of this person often, but the ultimate test came this past Wednesday. The school I currently work at is across the street from a park where I walk in the afternoons (or try to). We had a meeting that evening, and I live far enough away that going home did not make sense, and I used the opportunity to take an extra-long walk. This particular day I was on the phone with my new gentleman friend that I’ve mentioned several times now. We were talking and talking when someone ran past me.

It was him.

“Uggghhhhhhhhh….nooooooooo”

I had an uncomfortable feeling and one of dread but carried on thinking to myself, “He didn’t recognize me and will continue running.”

While continuing my walk and conversation, I see him walking towards me, probably returning to his car.

Panic starts setting in. Internal thoughts while trying to remain normal in life and on the phone:
“Maybe he won’t recognize me…”
“I’m on the phone, so maybe he won’t talk to me…”
“Why would he talk to me?”
“I have nothing to say.”
“Don’t make eye contact. Don’t make eye contact.”
“Please keep walking… please keep walking … please keep walking …”

When suddenly… “Hey, Aimee!”

Inner sigh. I asked my gentleman friend to hold on a second.

And then….

The man I hated and had the evilest thoughts toward walked in for a hug, and I hugged him back with no ill-will whatsoever. We exchanged quick ‘how are you’s, where are you working now, etc… and it was then I knew God healed my heart. There was not one ounce of anger or evil thoughts in my body.

It was a short yet powerful exchange of God showing me all He has done. He’s taken my heart of stone and made it a heart of flesh. He’s allowed healing and forgiveness to occur in my heart, showing how arrogant I am to have these thoughts toward a lost person when I am a Child of God who has done worse to Him and am forgiven, with nothing being held against me. How did or could I waste any more time filled with these feelings, holding back the life God has for me? He has given me a new life and divinely replaced all He took away in order for me to live HIS way with gratitude.

We said our goodbyes, and when I turned the mute button off, I immediately told my gentleman friend, “I just ran into someone I used to hate!”.

I volunteered the information and jokingly said I wished I had thought to put the phone on speaker and say, ‘the guy I’m on the phone with now is someone who is everything you’re not’. Clearly, there is still work to do…

He laughed about it, and I knew my heart was different as it was not my first thought and took a few minutes to even think of it.

The more I thought about it, the more I saw the circle of life and the growth of my spiritual walk. Words cannot fully express my gratitude and how amazing God is because “you don’t understand” my heart. Another thing I noticed is the timing of it all. What were the chances I would run into someone I had the vilest thoughts toward while on the phone with someone I seem to have made up and prayed to have in my life??

“Gentleman” (I can’t use his real name, and this feels weird. Making it weird…) asked what I was going to do when I got home after my meeting, and I replied what I needed to do is go home, get on my hands and knees, and thank God for delivering me from bitterness and hatred.

This story intertwines with a current event and shows the circle of life.

Thursday morning, I re-watched a Charles Stanley sermon about anger and forgiveness, thinking of the park run-in only to be convicted about something else, leaving me sobbing uncontrollably on my drive to work.

God is constantly shaping and molding us. If He were not, that would mean He did not care about us and was not a loving Father. Growing can be painful as we have to let go of things we always knew, but I would much rather have Him deal with me than Him not deal with me at all and leave me to my own devices.

“Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”
– Hebrews 12:11

Shortly after “Gentleman”…???… and I started talking, he asked how I handled situations in my life. I recently joked for him never to ask me that again because rapid-fire-style things started happening in my life. However, after consideration, I realized God showed ME how I handle situations. I am not perfect, but am so thankful for growth and that He is showing me I am learning to handle things through HIS word and HIS way… NOT Aimee’s way.

The enemy is not who I see in front of me. My enemy is spiritual and one that is unseen.

^“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.”
– Ephesians 6:10-13

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60wQk4_Zl-c