I have wanted to write about this topic for a while, but one did not know how to write it, and two felt it was too personal. Ryan, the incredible man God had waiting for me, has encouraged its publishing because it is an essential topic as “I” am rare.

What am I talking about? (Spit it out, Aimee.)

I’m a virgin.

I had grown up with this mindset and prayed to save myself for the one man God had for me when I was a little girl. Many people can pray that, but then we grow up, and life happens. However, God helped me honor that prayer for my future husband by keeping me safe and giving me the power to carry that out for thirty-four years. The thought makes me tear up because I share the most sacred thing I have and am living proof of God faithfully honoring one little girl’s prayer that He wrote on my heart.

I’ve been made fun of by many and grew up with people who did not understand. People think I am a goody-goody, and I was the naive and shy girl who did not get out much. I’ve been looked down on and made to feel stupid by some. Many friends I went to school with came from broken families and looked for love in the wrong places. While I have never done anything, I’ve seen what the world does and never wanted that life. I’ve been told I am too innocent to be with, or they go along with you being a virgin until things get more serious and you keep your convictions. Suddenly, you’re garbage and get ghosted, never hearing from them again.
Being a Christian is not for the weak-minded, I can tell you that. However, in that same sentence comes, “His strength is made perfect in my weakness.”

Society will make you believe there is something wrong with you for being a virgin. The truth is there is strength, self-control, and a lot of character in someone who realizes their value and does not give themselves away to everyone. There is much wisdom in knowing our bodies are temples and that giving ourselves away to just anyone causes emotional trauma. Casual sex is not “fun” or “innocent,” as the world claims. Casual sex leaves parts of you with strangers, and they leave, never getting that back. It is easy to have sex with someone. People meet in bars and leave with them all the time.

Getting to know someone goes deeper than similar humor and knowing their favorite color.

I know Ryan, and I have not known each other for a long time compared to how long some people date before getting married. However, the distance forced communication, and I think we have discussed more in the last 10.5 months than some have discussed in seven years. We were not out to waste time.

I knew early on that Ryan was the one for me. All the years of praying and waiting shaped my mind to know what I was waiting for, and I always knew that when I saw “him,” I would know. He said he felt the same way about me, but neither of us wanted to creep the other out and waited before booking venues the first day.

All of this to say I know what the Bible says about sex. I know all of the scriptures and have prayed for years for my future husband. I was single for thirty-three years before meeting Ryan and have studied biblical marriage. I’m a Christian and a virgin, but I am not stupid regarding anatomy or sexual temptation. The Bible says we are to flee from sin. I write blogs about it. I talk about it. It’s one of the first things I would tell people I seriously considered to test them out and give them a chance to run.

You can imagine my surprise when suddenly I started struggling in a brand new area of sexual temptation. Ryan is a truck driver, and I would pick him up when he comes into town. After getting too close, we agreed I was no longer allowed in the truck until we were married (I rode home with him from Corpus Christi after the exciting engagement week, but it was not overnight). “Nothing happened,” but it shook me up as it took a while to come to terms with the fact that I am just a simple human being, and there is nothing special about me. I have the same temptations as everyone else and am not immune to them. It opened my eyes, and I understand how rapidly things can spin out of control. Thankfully, Ryan and I agree and are convicted to wait until marriage, so it would never happen or become that big of a deal. But, it opened my eyes to a lot and the power of hormones and emotions. I’ve never been in love with anyone before, nor never felt this safe sharing my heart. I’ve always kept everyone at arm’s length, never letting anyone get too close. It was always easy to resist because deep in my heart, I knew whomever it was, was not my future husband. However, just because I know every single scripture on the subject does not make the temptation less in real life. Applying what I know is critical and keeping away from dangerous scenarios.

“For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.
For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.
Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.” – Romans 7:14-20 (Say that twice 🙂 )

Since we are being honest here, another thing I had to do was not be insecure. Never once has Ryan made me feel stupid or less than. It’s the opposite, and he makes me feel like the only girl in the world and has never played one game with my heart. Ryan calls when he says he will and shows up when he says he will. (If by chance someone is reading this besides Laura, Kalynn, Ryan, or my dad, WAIT FOR THAT MAN. He exists!) He always makes me feel like the most important person to exist and like I am someone so special. However, he has a past, and while that does not bother me because everyone is a new creation in Christ, now and then, my past issues pop up, and I get insecure and compare myself to someone I’ve never met over a situation that has not even happened yet. I do not dwell on it or think about it that often, and I’ve had to discuss this with Ryan, who reassures me that he loves me and everything will be fine.

I do not think much about me being a virgin and do not walk around wearing a t-shirt or brag about it. However, my former coworker had no filter and talked about everything and anything, and somehow that topic came up at my last job, and she called me a unicorn.
“I’ve never met one!”
She was so intrigued by me and proud. That day, it led to a conversation about Christ, and when I told her I met Ryan for the first time, she was thrilled.
I met with the wedding decorator a few weeks ago who works with my aunt. She is a Christian and we talked about the wedding and I mentioned waiting a long time for Ryan and how special he is. She asked if I was a virgin and when I said yes she told me she wanted me to speak with her grandchildren one day because I have such a powerful testimony and I said okay.

I never think much about it because this is my life and it’s normal to me. However, I understand having a witness and a living example in this world and society of instant gratification. If there was by chance someone reading this and still single and waiting for their Godly man… keep waiting. It is difficult, and if anyone knows how difficult the waiting is I do. I understand the crying at night and wondering if that man will come around. I understand begging God to change the wrong man’s heart because you’re tired of the wait. I understand the begging for crumbs because it is all you see. But, keep waiting. Wait because God is the one you are living for. Wait on God, knowing His plans are better than any you could ever dream of. Wait, because there is a man out there that seems like you made him up and is too good to be true and when you meet him, you’ll know he is the one. The man who calls you back and the man who holds your hand. The man who has bible studies with you. Wait for the man who invites your dad to lunch and pays the first time he meets him. Wait for the man who calls and orders you soup while he is out of town because you are sick and he cannot be there. Wait for the man who respects you and tears apart your mind and gets to know your heart without ever asking you to remove your clothes. Wait for that man. Refuse to give up or give in because you’re tired. Never settle. Keep fighting the good fight and keep the faith, knowing that there is a purpose for the waiting. Let God write your story and get out of the way. Wait because “Those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength”. The waiting is hard, I know, but so worth it.

I am so thankful for Ryan. He is worth waiting for.