For the last few weeks, I’ve had so much anxiety and said, “I can’t,” more times than I thought I could. Ryan called me out and said, “You have so much quit in you! Why?”

I do not know why. I have let the negative thoughts and current circumstances speak louder than the Voice of Truth, which only has detrimental consequences to good mental health. I’ve been like this my whole life, and God changed my life and mind with my insecurities.

The final straw was at the park last week. Ryan and I got into an argument that lingered for a few days until the root of the problem was finally revealed. I had to get back into God’s word and believe what HE says about me and that HE has a future for me and plans for my life. I do not need to figure out my life when I serve a God who will guide my footsteps. I need to learn to be content in everything now, for if I cannot be content when things are good and exciting, what hope is there for me in the future?

So, last weekend I went to the park. I am slowly getting back into shape and, with previous injuries, have avoided any upper body exercises as much as possible. I walked the track and decided to try the monkey bars out of stubbornness. After a year of not doing much, I thought I would rip my shoulder out of the socket, but I had to prove something to myself, even if it was just hanging there.

And there is the lesson. I could do it. I did not go all the way across, but instead of listening to all the reasons I could not do something or how I would fail, I tried it anyway (and medical services were not required…)

“Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:  But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.

Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.” – James 3:5-12