… that you will.

Let me tell you about this cabinet I found in the trash: I would not say I like it.

I do not hate it necessarily, but I hate what it is revealing about my heart (insert cringe emoji here). How does an inanimate object have the power to cause a change in emotions except for the process of fixing it is a reflection of severe control issues. (Insert angry emoji face and cringe face here)

I do not like failing. I’m not good at it. I do not know where this comes from, but I need to lower my expectations. I expect to have fifty years of carpentry skills without ever having done anything. A perfectionist side of me expects to get brand new things I’ve never tried before correct on the first try straight out of the box. I put so much pressure on myself over EVERYTHING and have no idea where this comes from, but it used to be paralyzing, causing me never to try anything. What is the point of trying new things if you fail? This fear of failure is also key to knowing why God gave me a Brent. Where I have to line up everything on a baking sheet exact size and just so, Brent has all kinds of shapes and sizes of dough everywhere and thinks it is perfect (which it is!).

(Insert face palm emoji here)

I’ve been working on this (stinkin’) cabinet for a few weeks and CAN NOT get anything right. What is most frustrating is that I am frustrated. I do not know what I am doing and failing as I go, so it’s causing the time for this project to creep at a snail’s pace. (Fail Forward Faster… or an extremely successful book title here… ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad’ or ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ does not seem to fit…). Every time I think I got something, another obstacle comes, and the timing of this project is not a coincidence.

I want to control something in my life. Right now, I am going through a transition season and praying about what God wants me to do and where he wants me to go. I want the answers now. I want peace of mind now. Instead, God is allowing me to watch my spiritual life unfold physically in this dresser. It’s not about the destination but gaining wisdom and trusting the process. I do not understand the rush, except the longer it sits in the garage, the longer it proves what a failure I am. Yikes. I know that is not true, and it’s only showing my lack of patience. The reality is that it’s a total learning experience, just like everything else in life. I had no plan for the project and never used a brad nailer before this project, but I can cross that off the list now. I went from never thinking about how furniture is really made to having to figure out how to fill the space in a pretty fashion. While I am frustrated because I just want this thing completed and do not understand why it’s taking me this long, the reality is I have bought myself time for my next project because I have worked through things on this one.

Can we all see the metaphor for my life? This isn’t simply about the dresser project, although it is. It is just showing me how I handle everything: with control and stress. I need to learn to let things go and go with the flow. Failure is part of life, but it does not define you as a failure. Quitting and not growing from adversity because something is too complicated is worse than failing. If you do not fail, then you won’t grow.

This (stinkin’) cabinet is showing me perseverance and working through problems. It is showing me how to figure out how to make things work no matter how many times I have to recut wood to make a frame. I went from a shell of a cabinet to a puzzle slowly coming together. What is equally frustrating and sweet is my dad and Ryan not telling me how to fix things but to give me the space to figure it out.

Ryan bought me a little cutting tool, and yesterday I used my miter box saw, the cutting tool, a brad nailer, and drill all in the same day! I’m slowly gaining skills and discovering what does and does not work. Ryan wanted to buy me an electric miter saw, knowing how much more efficient I could be with projects because sawing straight edges is difficult. However, I do not want or need that at this stage of my woodworking career. I told him if and when I am consistent and conquer the tools I have, then one day I can graduate with something bigger. I have to earn those things. He that is faithful with little will be given much. 🙂

Is this project perfect? Far from it.
Is it rewarding?
Yes.
Did I learn things?
Yes.
Do I need to learn how to chill out?
Also, Y E S.

Ryan said, “You’re supposed to be having fun!”
I replied that he should learn now that I do not have fun in life. Everything I do needs a purpose and must be done with severe intensity. I said this in jest, but it’s also true, and I need to learn how to relax and understand not everything is life and death. Even if it were life and death, what should it matter? Jesus conquered death, and I get to be with Him for eternity.

I have a question: Did Jesus measure twice and cut once or get it on the first try?

These are the questions I have…